Tendjewberrymud

This was in a bathroom book I read a while ago.

"The following is a telephone conversation between a hotel guest and room service in a hotel somewhere in Asia.
Room Service (RS): Morny. Ruin orbees.
Guest (G): Sorry. I thought I called room service.
R: Rye, ruin orbees, morny! Jewish to odor sunteen?
G: Uh, yes, I'd like some bacon and eggs.
RS: Ow July den?
G: What?
RS: Ow July den? Pry, boy, pooch?
G: Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Scrambled, please.
RS: Ow July dee baychem, crease?
G: Crisp will be fine.
RS: Hokay. And San tos?
G: What?
RS: San tos. July San tos?
G: I don't think so.
RS: No? Judo one toes?
G: I feel really bad about this, but I have no idea what 'Judo one toes' means.
RS: Toes! Toes! Why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping with bother?
G: English muffin!! I get it! You said 'Toast'. Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine.
RS: We bother?
G: No, just put the bother on the side.
RS: Wad?
G: I mean butter... just put in on the side.
RS: Copy?
G: Sorry?
RS: Copy.
G: Yes, coffee please, and that's all.
RS: Copy? One Minnie. Ass ruin Torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy, rye?
G: Whatever you say.
RS: Tendjewberrymud.
G: You're welcome.

Since I gave you a joke/skit thing, you now mu st give me something. I recently purchased an aloe vera plant from Home Depot and guess what, I have no clue how to take care of it. So...

Please dig up any information possible on the care of an aloe vera plant. How often to water it, what kind of fertilizer to give it, how much light it likes, etc. Do this, and I will be most pleased. Don't do it, and I shall wreak a terrible curse upon you and your children for all eternity. Seriously, just do it or not, I don't care, but at least one person has to do it. Gracias!

And now for the greatest announcement all day. Drumroll, please....

HALO WARS!!!!!!

The brains at Ensemble Studios (the guys who brought you Age of Empires, one of my favorite games ever) have started working on one of those games that make you go "AWESOME!!!" They have started something so incredible, so amazing, so obvious yet so cool. That game is Halo Wars. They made a Halo RTS!!

For those of you not "in the know", an RTS is gamespeak for real-time strategy game. There are two types of strategy games in the universe: turn-based and real-time. As you might guess, turn-based is very similar to chess but with tanks. You and your opponent take turns to demolish each other or run away like a little girly-man. While it may take more brains, I consider turn-based games to be unnecessarily long and tedious. So I prefer RTS games such as Age of Empires. Age of Empires involves using villagers to build a city and then an army even while your opponent is doing the same. Once you have the fightingest army you can build, you lay seige to your opponent's city and then kill every man, woman, child, and dog to win. Or you can just build a Wonder, whatever you feel like. Now that you get the idea, (I hope) we can get on to the game. Halo Wars will be coming out for the Xbox 360, the awesomest game system in the awesomest market on the awesomest planet in the awesomest universe. It's plot is set before the events of Halo 1, and is about a group of marines marooned somewhere with those pesky Covenant doing all they can to beat the living snot out of these guys. It's too early to say more, but I can guarantee you Halo Wars is gonna rock the world.