Blogger is watching you.

I can't take it anymore. Either I'm switching my outlet, or I'll never post again.
Come on everybody, let's do it Orwell-style.
DOWN WITH BLOGGER!
DOWN WITH BLOGGER!
DOWN WITH BLOGGER!
DOWN WITH BLOGGER!

Real Advertisements

For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy.

Great Dames for sale.

Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.

Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.

If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin.

Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.

The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

We build bodies that last a lifetime.

For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.

Man, honest. Will take anything.

Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

UsedCars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

Modular Sofas. Only $299. For rest or fore play.

Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.

Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred.

Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.

Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.

Holcross pullets. Starting to lay Betty Clayton, Granite 5-6204.

Illiterate? Write today for free help.

Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.

Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.

Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.

And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.

We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.

Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.

For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.

Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.

Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

And of course, the church ones:

Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.

Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor.

Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his study.

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come foreward and lay an egg on the alter.

The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come foreward and do so.

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

My pirate name

My pirate name is:

Dread Pirate Rackham

Like the famous Dread Pirate Roberts, you have a keen head for how to make a profit. You have the good fortune of having a good name, since Rackham (pronounced RACKem, not rack-ham) is one of the coolest sounding surnames for a pirate. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from fidius.org.

Make your own name

I stole this from Nicole.
1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME:(first pet and current street)
Chase Madison
2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME:(grandfather/grandmother on your mother’s side, your favorite candy)
Norman Twix
3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME:(favorite animal, favorite color)
Wolf Green
4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME:(middle name, city where you were born)
John Chicago
5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME:(first 3 letters of your last name- last 3 letters of mother’s maiden name, first 3 letters of your pet’s name)
Pec Ews-Mac
6. JEDI NAME:(middle name spelled backwards, your mom’s maiden name spelled backwards)
Nohj Swerdna
7. WITNESS PROTECTION NAME:(middle name, street you grew up on)
John Monroe
8. SUPERHERO NAME:(”The”, your favorite color, the automobile you drive)The Blue Lexus

Woman dies after riding Mission: SPACE.

ORLANDO, Fla. - Walt Disney World reopened its “Mission: Space” attraction Thursday, a day after a woman who became ill after leaving the ride died at a hospital.
It was the second death in less than a year related to the Epcot Center ride, which spins riders in a centrifuge that subjects them to twice the normal force of gravity. It is considered so intense it has motion sickness bags and signs warning people with heart, back and neck problems not to board it.
The 49-year-old woman who died Wednesday had reported dizziness and nausea after stepping off the ride on Tuesday, Disney officials said.
Disney told state officials that the woman, who was not identified, may have had high blood pressure and other unspecified health problems.
“Walt Disney World engineers and ride system experts completed a thorough inspection of the attraction overnight and found it to be operating properly,” the theme park said Thursday in announcing the reopening of the ride.
A worker from the state Bureau of Fair Rides Inspection monitored the testing and said the ride didn’t appear “to be acting abnormal in any way,” said Terence McElroy, a spokesman for Florida’s Department of Agriculture and Consumer Services, which oversees the bureau.
The $100 million ride, one of Disney World’s most popular, was also closed in June after the death of a 4-year-old boy who passed out while aboard. An autopsy concluded he died of a heart condition that a medical examiner said can cause sudden death in stressful situations.

Sultry Seven

Let's write something together! I'll start off with seven words, and then you guys'll add seven more words, and it will go on and on. It ends Saturday at midnight. Okay? It'll be fun!
My sultry seven words are: It was much worse than last time.

Halo explained SPOILER WARNING!!

The story begins with Captain Jacob Keyes, whose ship, the Pillar of Autumn, just made a blind jump into faster-than-light travel, called Slipspace. They were escaping the bombardment of the human colony Reach by the villains, a religious alien race called the Covenant whose sole goal is to exterminate the human race in a holy vendetta.
The Autumn is now near a gas giant called Threshold and its moon, Basis. They have found a large ring-shaped structure near it. Keyes is conversing with Cortana, a foot tall purple holographic woman who is the ship's AI and has control over all of its functions. Unfortunately, it seems that the Covenant have caught up with the ship. Keyes orders initiation of the Cole Protocol, a safeguard designed to lead the Covenant away from Earth should a human ship become a captive. It involves purging all evidence of Earth and her colonies from the ship's mainframe, and if it is captured the ship automatically self-destructs.
Keyes also orders all hands to get suited for combat in case of boarders. Meanwhile, in the ship's cryo bay, a pair of personnel get orders from Cortana to "unseal the Hushed Casket". That is where the Master Chief, the playable character in the game, lies in cryo-sleep. The last of a failed experiment to create super-soldiers codenamed SPARTANs, the Master Chief was kidnapped by the military at six years old and has undergone brutal training and surgical augmentation giving him heightened strength, intelligence, speed, and bone hardness.
The Chief is awakened while the Covenant are boarding the ship. He goes to the bridge and meets with Captain Keyes, who puts Cortana into his Mark V MJOLNIR armor. The Chief leaves the Autumn on an escape pod while Keyes attempts to land the ship on the ring structure.
The Chief also lands and rescues the surviving Marines via dropship pickup. However, Captain Keyes is captured by the Covenant and is taken prisoner aboard a Covenant cruiser known as The Truth and Reconciliation.
The Chief, along with a strike force of Marines, rescue him. While in captivity, Keyes recalls a group of guards discussing the ring. He heard that it was known as Halo and was presumably a weapon with ultimate power. Keyes tells the Chief to try to find Halo's Control Center before the Covenant, as they might use Halo to wipe out the human race.
Cortana hacks into the Covenant battle-net where she learns the location of The Silent Cartographer, a map room that points the way to the Control Room. The Chief and the Marines find the map room, and make their way to the Control Room.
Meanwhile, Keyes trys to find a Covenant weapons cache that could be useful for the war effort. While at the Control Room, Cortana tells the Chief to stop Keyes from finding the cache without a clear reason. It turns out that Keyes and the Marines accidentally released a race of parasitic life-forms known as the Flood, which reproduce using small infection forms that borrow into your body and tap into your spinal cord, turning you into a Flood form.
Chief finds a video recording proving all of it. He eventually escapes the cache and runs into a small floating blue robot who introduces himself as 343 Guilty Spark, who is the Monitor of Installation 04, presumably Halo. He says that Halo is supposed to completely annihilate the Flood, and, for reasons unknown, calls the Master Chief a Reclaimer. He teleports the Chief to a facility called the Library where he is supposed to find the Index, the key for activating Halo. The Chief fights his way to it and is teleported to the Control Room. Before the Monitor can activate Halo, Cortana, who is still inside Halo's systems, purges the Index form the system and stores it in her memory core. She reveals to the Chief that Halo doesn't kill Flood: it kills their food. That's humans, Covenant, all sentient life. The Monitor lied to him.
Now the Monitor and his Sentinels, floating robots with laser beams, are trying to stop the Chief from stopping the Monitor, who has found a secondary way to activate the ring. Fortunately, the Chief and Cortana do stop the Monitor. Cortana finds out that, once again, Captain Keyes has been captured and is held aboard the Truth and Reconciliation, except this time he is being assimilated into the Flood. Cortana teleports the Chief onto the ship, which is almost completely Flood-infected, where Keyes dies.
However, the Chief is able to remove Keyes' neural implants, allowing him to initiate the Pillar of Autumn's self-destruct sequence, which is halted by the Monitor. Needless to say, the Autumn is also Flood-infected. The Chief goes to the Engineering bay where he manages to re-initiate the self-destruct sequence, allowing him to escape just as Halo, the Flood, and the Covenant armada still on the ring are completely obliterated.
Coming up: Halo 2 explained.

Google in funny languages

Here's Google in a language called Bork, bork, bork! which in my opinion is Google in hopelessly accented English. Also here's Google in Elmer Fudd language, Pig Latin, Yiddish, Klingon, and 13375p34k (Leetspeak)

Keywords people have used to get to my site

Trum4n (from my "If WWII was a real-time strategy game" post)
coca-cola
coke blak
and
norsefire (the totalitarian regime discussed in my "V for Vendetta" post)

Throw me a frickin' bone here!

Coke Blak: The Verdict

I have recently seen a few articles discussing the new drink which came out yesterday. Here is one of them:

It's Coke with coffee, double the caffeine, and half the calories
Coke BlaK, introducted April 3, sells for up to $2 per bottle.
Up to now, the French have sipped a Coca-Cola product not found on U.S. grocery shelves: Coke BlaK, a grown-up soft drink that combines the fizzy flavors of Coke with coffee. On April 3, Coke BlaK was introduced throughout the U.S. Billed as a "carbonated fusion beverage," it has roughly double the caffeine and half the calories of regular Coke, and it is sweetened with high fructose corn syrup and two artificial sweeteners: aspartame and acesulfame potassium. Each 8-oz. bottle has 45 calories; regular Coke has 100. At $1.70 to $2 per bottle, Coke BlaK is a lot pricier than a can of regular Coke. But how does it taste? We asked four of our experienced taste testers to compare in a blind test the U.S. and French versions of Coke BlaK, plus regular Coca-Cola Classic. The differences between the U.S. and French versions are unmistakable. The U.S. Coke BlaK is sweeter and has more caramel-like flavoring, similar to Coca-Cola Classic. The coffee flavor is a bare whiff. The French version, by contrast, has a more pronounced coffee flavor, which better balances the cola flavor. The French version lists sugar in place of the high fructose corn syrup, which can affect the flavor. For the U.S. market, the sleek, contemporary can of the French Coke BlaK was replaced by a more familiar curvy Coca-Cola bottle silhouette. Cola tinged with coffee is not a new concept. In the mid-1990s, Pepsi Kona, Java Cola, and Café Cola were introduced, each trying to excite a flat market for carbonated beverages. All failed. Possibly in an effort to chase the coffeehouse crowd, Coke decided to give it another go, starting in France earlier this year. Bottom line: If you like the idea of a hint of coffee with your Coke, you might give this a try. But if you're looking for more coffee with your cola, you'll be disappointed with Coke BlaK--unless you buy it in France.

A fellow blogger, Nicole, had this to say about Blak. Sadly, I seem to be the only one who's actually tried it. Here is my review.

Coke Blak is almost a perfect unison of coffee and Coca-Cola. While the Coke does overpower the coffee, it still gives out a pleasant hazlenut-like aura. It does have twice the caffeine, but also only 45 calories. It's available at Target.

Tagged... AGAIN!!!

Nicole got me this time.
1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 24 and find line 5:
“…and swung down the flaps.” Eragon by Christopher Paolini
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, what do you find?
My printer.
3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
A documentary about the Salem witch trials on The History Channel.
4. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
Nothing.
5. When did you last step outside?
I just went to Costco about a half hour ago.
6. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
Erm... does the computer count?
7. What are you wearing?
Khaki slacks, a Guess sweatshirt that says "Forward" on it, and my "El Cheapo Motel" graphic t-shirt. No, it's not a coincidence...
8. Did you dream last night?
Yes. I dreamed that I was in the movie Goldfinger taking James Bond's place on the laser/operating table thingy. "No, Mr. Patro, I expect you to die!"
9. When did you last laugh?
Today, clicking on the link on my last post. It's awesome!
10. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
An autographed poster from the artist Peter Max's Leningrad exhibit in '91. I'm kinda surprised the Russkies let him in, as he's very patriotic. An autographed Joe Montana plaque thingy is also there, along with Peter Max's poster for Super Bowl XXX.
11. Seen anything weird lately?
Maybe. The government told me not to talk about it.
12. What do you think of this quiz?
I'm shaking with glee.
In case you couldn't ell, I was being sarcastic.
13. What is the last film you saw?
To quote Nicole: "It was V for Vendetta and I enjoyed it thoroughly, thank you very much."

The funniest Internet cartoon thing ever!

If you want a good laugh, mixed in with senseless violence, a guy who looks like Jesus, and ZOMBIES just click here.