Who I was in a past life

In a Past Life...

You Were: An Insane Warrior. Where You Lived: Central Africa. How You Died: Dysentery.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

What is the way to peace?

Hmm. Churchill, Nixon, hippie.World leaders and an average man. Is two fingers in a "V" shape for victory, or is it a universal sign of peace? How can it be both when the meanings are complete opposites? Maybe there cannot be peace without war. We've seen it in history dozens of times. The unification of Hawaii or Japan. The Mongol invasion of China. William Wallace and Scotland. Or, maybe nonviolent protests are the answer. Ghandi, Martin Luther, Malcolm X, Martin Luther King. Or maybe slow terrorist attacks, like Guy Fawkes, the Irish Republican Army, maybe the Resistances of Nazi-occupied countries during WWII, or even al-Qaeda or Hamas. Or maybe there is no way to peace. Maybe we are doomed to fight each other over our race, our religion, or even where we live. But sometimes I just wish that we could all get along. I wish that no one should have to live in fear or die because of who they are. I really do. I wish that people could open their eyes to the horrors that are going on in this world.

This is terrible.

According to this article, 1 out of 20 civilian jobs are held by illegal aliens. Ew.

New template

I'm experimenting with a new template. Let me know what you think of it.

This is nuts.

According to this article, a Muslim grad student drove his car into a group of fellow students to "avenge the deaths of fellow Muslims around the world." Just goes to show you that fundamentalism, radicalism, and even insanity is abroad right on our doorsteps.

If Noah's Ark was built in 2006...

And the Lord spoke to Noah and said "In six months I'm going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed.But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of living thing on the planet. I am commanding you to build an Ark." And in a flash of lightning, He delivered the specifications for an Ark, "Okay," said Noah, trembling with fear and fumbling with the blueprints."Six months and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord. "You'd better have the Ark completed, or learn to swim for a very long time." Six months passed, the skies clouded up and rain began to fall. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping. And there was no Ark. "Noah!" shouted the Lord, "where is the Ark?""Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best. But there were big problems. First, I had to get a building permit for the Ark construction project, and your plans didn't meet code. I had to hire an engineer to redraw the plans. Then I got into a big fight over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system.""Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning by building the Ark in my front yard, I had to get a variance from the city planning commission. Then I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to save the spotted owl. I had to convince the U.S. Fish and Wildlife that I needed the wood to save the owls. But they wouldn't let me catch any owls. So, no owls.""The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone would pick up a saw or hammer. Now we have sixteen carpenters going on the boat, and still no owls. Then I started gathering up animals, and got sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me taking only two of each kind. Just when I got the suit dismissed, EPA notified me that I couldn't complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood.""They didn't take kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of a Supreme Being. Then the Army Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed new flood plain. So I sent them a globe. Right now, I'm still trying to resolve a complaint from the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission over how many Croations I'm supposed to hire.""The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to avoid paying taxes by leaving the country. And I just got a notice from the state about owing them some kind of use tax. I really don't think I can finish the Ark for at least another five years," Noah wailed.The sky began to clear. The sun began to shine. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled, "You mean you're not going to destroy the earth?" Noah asked hopefully."No," said the Lord sadly. "The government already has!"

V for Vendetta Movie: It better be good...

As a long-time follower of theV for Vendetta series, I sincerely hope that the creators of The Matrix have not created another Matrix Revolutions. The summary of the comics are as follows: The series is set in a future Britain where, in the chaos following a limited nuclear war that left the country mostly physically intact, a fascist single-party state has arisen. It resembles the Nazi regimeincluding government-controlled media, secret police, a planned economy and concentration camps for racial minorities but with a British cultural flavorur, and a greater reliance on technology, especially closed-circuit television monitoring in the mode of George Orwell's 1984. (Closed-circuit television had not yet become common in the UK at the time Moore wrote the series. Today, London has the world's highest concentration of CCTV.) When the series begins, political conflict has ended, the death camps have finished their work and been closed, and the public is largely complacent, until "V" a terrorist and self-proclaimed anarchist, who wears a Guy Fawkes mask and has an improbable array of abilities and resources begins an elaborate, violent, and theatrical campaign to bring down the government.
V himself is something of an enigma, whose history is only hinted at; it is strongly suggested that he is physically and mentally abnormal. The bulk of the story is told from the viewpoints of other characters: V's admirer and apprentice Evey, a sixteen-year old match factory worker; Eric Finch, a world-weary policeman who is hunting V; and several contenders for power within the fascist party. V's destructive acts are morally ambiguous, and a central theme of the series is the rationalization of atrocities in the name of a higher goal, whether it is stability or freedom. The character is a mixture of an actual advocate of anarchism and the traditional stereotype of the anarchist as a terrorist and advocate of anarchy in the sense of chaos.
There are many references to the letter V and number 5 (which is V in Roman numerals). For example, V is seen reading and quoting from Thomas Pynchon's novel, V. and Beethoven's fifth symphony is featured. (The first four notes can be represented as the letter V in Morse code.) V always introduces himself with a five-syllable phrase: "You can call me V." The phrase, "Remember remember the fifth of November (fifth of November is another 5 syllables)" is also referenced; it is the first line of a nursery rhyme detailing the exploits of Guy Fawkes. The name of every chapter begins with the letter V. Also, "V" could stem from his past as the "Prisoner of Room Five", as later revealed in the series.
Also following the theme of numbers comes Evey, V's protege whose name has 4 letters. Her name also contains the name EVE who is the mother of God's new civilization. At the end of the series, Evey finishes V's final terrorist act, she destroys all forms of British authority, with the future uncertain. Like Eve of the bible, she gives way to a new society.
The series was Moore's first use of the densely detailed narrative and multiple plot lines that would feature heavily in Watchmen. The backgrounds of panels are often crammed with clues and red herrings; literary allusions and wordplay are prominent in the chapter titles and in V's speech (which always takes the form of iambic pentameter, a poetic meter reliant on five stressed syllables per line).
The structure of the book also bears a resemblence to Gaston Leroux's Phantom of the Opera, with several direct parallels. The Shadow Gallery doubles for the Phantom's Lair, and Evey's abduction and education mirrors that of Christine Daae's

This is so weird.

I have recently been e-mailed this link. Is it a warning that we overlooked? Is it a small flaw? Is it a sign? Or is it a coincidence? Whatever it is, it's scary as heck.

Where I Live

That's where I live: Hinsdale, IL. It's a suburb of Chicago in DuPage county. This is a picture of the Biondi shoe store (corner). Around there is an Einstein's Bagels; the old Hinsdale Theater; a Starbucks; a Gap; Ethel's Chocolates; a Chinese restaurant called Jade Dragon; Zingelman's Hot Dogs (the local fast-food joint); a news agency (which is just a fancy word for newsstand/candy shop); two hair salons; a Blockbuster; a Corner Bakery; an actual bakery; a florist; two fur shops; a ski shop; a sub sandwich place; a golf store; a library; and two gas stations.

Another Patro-ism

During the 1500 meter speed skating with Chad Hedrick and Shani Davis the other day: "I don't know who to root for: the Chicagoan or the good guy."

Review: Date Movie **1/2

This movie can be compared to seeing a monkey smoke a cigarette: it's funny at first, but gradually gets old after about a half hour. It's a parody of My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Meet the Parents, Meet the Fockers, and Hitch, along with about twenty other tinier parodies. It's about a big fat girl named Julia who works at her parent's Greek coffee shop. (An interesting note on her family: her father's black, her mother's Indian, and her sister's a Japanese Future Sarcastic. The funny part is that she specifically states that no one in her family has ever dated out of their culture.) She runs in to a pretty-boy English guy named Grant, who then leaves bizarrely. For help, she finds a date doctor named Hitch (who's a midget) who gives her a Pimp My Ride style makeover. After the makeover, guess what? She turns into Willow from Buffy! Anyway, she goes on a reality-dating show where Grant is the prize! What a coincidence! She wins and goes on a date with him to A Restaurant (yes, you heard me, A Restaurant). They see each other's parents and eventually Grant proposes.
The best man is Grant's hottie ex-fiancee Andy (yes, you heard me, best man) who is actually plotting to split Grant and Julia. As much as guys might want to see this movie, I still think it should be considered a romantic comedy. As much as I liked the Scary Movie franchise, this one is not on my "Buy" list.

Transcript for U.S. vs. Libby case

This is the transcript for the U.S. v. Lewis Libby case. You can read it all here. Acrobat Reader required.

Hat tip: Crooks and Liars

Types of cows.

If a communist has two cows, he gives both to the government, and the government sells him some of the milk.If a Socialist has two cows, he gives both to the government, and the government gives him some of the milk.If a Nazi has two cows, the government shoots him, and takes both cows.If a Capitalist has two cows, he sells one and buys a bull.If a New dealist has two cows, he kills one, milks the other, and throws away the milk.If a Liberalist has two cows, he sells them to the rich, then taxes them one cow and gives it to the poor.If a Conservatist has two cows, he locks them up and charges people to look at them.If an Atheist has two cows, he doesn't believe it.If a Taoist has two cows, he lets them wander off.If a Platonist has two cows, he looks for two others to milk.If a Aristocrat has two cows, he sells them and buys one big one.If a Pacifist has two cows, they stampede him.If a government worker has two cows, he can't sell them, fire them, or even label them as cows.If a Hillary Clinton has two cows, she robs the ranches and gives everyone two cows. If she doesn't have enough, she gives them bull.

The Best Dumb Blond Joke Ever

It truly is...
The Best Blonde Joke Ever.

Update: The link above doesn't work. Try this link instead.

Update: Muslim Cartoons

In Pakistan, there is a reward for the cartoonist who printed the Mohammed cartoons. He is in more danger now than ever before.

Fun Things To Do At A Drive-Thru

1. Drive through the drive-thru in reverse and let your passenger order.
2. Ask the price of almost everything on the menu and then order something that you didn't ask the price for.
3. Tell the employee that your window is broken. Order and then pay with your door open. When the food comes, roll down the window and snatch your order from their hands.
4. Go to McDonald's and demand a big breakfast at 11:30 at night. Put up a fight.
5. Pay for a large order in pennies and nickels.
6. Order in another language. Be careful what neighborhood you're in.
7. When asked if they can take your order, tell them you are just window-shopping and drive on.
8. Laugh sadistically when asked if you would like ketchup.
9. Ask the cashier how they fit into that little box.
10. If they make you wait, make them wait when they come back on.
11. Demand to speak to the manager. When they come on, complain that you did not like the way the employee said, "May I take your order?"
12. When asked if they can take your order say, "Why, can I take yours?"
13. If they ask you to wait, order anyway and keep doing it till they yell at you. 14. Pretend your car has broken down. Ask for assistance moving it. When they come out, drive away.
15. Tell them you have to use the bathroom.
16. Order a cup of water and two napkins. That's it.
17. Don't order when they come on. Just sit there. If a line forms behind you, get out of the car and cause a scene.
18. When they hand you your food, hand them a bag with all the trash from your car in it.
19. Just stare at them when you pay and get your food. Don't break your stare.
20. Honk your horn the whole way through the line.

10 Ways Dick Cheney Can Kill You (besides taking you hunting)

Iran Nuclear Program

I've read this and my heart sunk:
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was speaking in Tehran on Saturday four days after the U.N. Security Council formally received notification about Iran and its nuclear program from the International Atomic Energy Agency, opening the door toward potential sanctions.
The crisis has mounted since the Islamic republic last month removed U.N. seals from its equipment and said it was beginning nuclear research for peaceful purposes.
Western nations successfully pushed for Iran to be reported to the Security Council for failing to convince the world its atomic scientists were working on exclusively on power stations, and not on bombs.
After the IAEA vote Iran ended its cooperation with the agency and said it would commence enrichment activities and halt snap inspections while still leaving open the possibility of further discussion.
"So far, the Islamic Republic of Iran has been after nuclear research based on the NPT and within the rules of the IAEA (International Atomic Energy Agency), but if you want to violate the Iranians' right with the same regulations, you should know that the Iranians would revise their policies," Ahmadinejad told tens of thousands of cheering Iranians assembled in a square in Tehran to celebrate the 27th anniversary of the Islamic Revolution.
The crowd voiced its approval of Ahmadinejad's remarks with chants of "Nuclear technology is our inalienable right," Reuters reported.
The president said Iran was not going to make an sudden withdrawal from the NPT, as North Korea did, according to the news agency.
"We would still like to be patient, so do not try to wear down our patience," Reuters reported him as saying.
The president reiterated his claim that the Holocaust, in which 6 million Jews were killed during World War II, was a hoax, and said Zionists were behind the "insulting" publication in some European newspapers of cartoons depicting the Prophet Mohammed.
Some Muslims consider such depictions blasphemous.
Ahmadinejad aimed his most withering criticism regarding the cartoons at the Israelis: "I have said previously that, to a number of bullying European governments and to the great Satan, it is acceptable to insult the prophet, but it is not acceptable to question the legitimacy of the regime which has occupied Palestine and has usurped lands and blackmailed all Western governments and committed crimes and killed women and children and destroyed houses."
He added: "If you are looking for the Holocaust, the true Holocaust, you should look in Palestine," where "occupiers kill helpless people every day."
Or, he said, a Holocaust can also be found in Iraq.
But Ahmadinejad focused most of his remarks on the nuclear issue. Atomic energy was critical in the fields of science, agriculture and medicine, he said. "Having nuclear energy is essential for our country's progress," he said.
Ahmadinejad said his country's vast fossil fuel reserves "will come to an end soon" and that the nation is pursuing nuclear research for peaceful purposes only.
But "they have clearly told our nation that they don't want the Iranian nation to have the technology for nuclear energy and nuclear fuel," he said.
He said the real reason the issue was referred to the Security Council is because "they want to monopolize this precious energy so that, when other nations need it, they would give it to us at a high price and then give it to us drop by drop and impose political things on us."
About the Russian proposal to enrich uranium on Russian soil and then send it to Iran, Ahmadinejad was skeptical.
"There are not guarantees that you are going to stand by your commitments," he said, referring to the Russians.
But Iranians have their own ways of gaining an edge, he added. "Allah is our master. He helps us and he's not going to help you."

Tijuana Tortilla Terminology

Baggy-eyed Bolshevik: Jim Lehrer
Briefcase Mafia: trial lawyers
Bypassed Bolsheviks in Buicks: retired, retreat leftists known to haunt Palm Beach County, Florida.
Caesars of Hollywood: actors and actresses who move among us as if they were gods
Christophobia: the loathing and hatred of Christianityby bigoted, intolerant, secular leftists
Clipped-Hair, Mean-Faced Women: self evident
Coffee Cup Annan: the shameless, oil swilling leader of the U.N.
Compassionate Conservative: me
Condo Commies: wealthy socialists
Corned-Beef Commies: unhealthy, wealthy socialists
Crack Pants: pants worn by skinny middle-class kids who emulate gangbangers.
Crescent News Network: CNN
Demicans: Republicans who act like Democrats (e.g. Arlen Specter)
Demoncats: a euphemistic term for godless Democrats
Dodge City of Blogging: El Patro's Tijuana Tortilla
Dungism: a school for liberal art
Empty Skirt: a pancake-faced, teleprompter-reading leg-crosser in a newsroom
EPA: Environmental Propaganda Agency
The Grim Reefer Gang: advocates for medical marijuana
Government-Media Complex:unholy alliance between big government and media elites
Headcutters in Headscarves:evangelists who spread the religion of peace by cutting people to pieces
Hieroglyphics Set To A Beat: rap
Rev. Jesse Hijackson: pastor of The First Rainbow Church of Shakedowns
Hitler in a Dirty Nightshirt: Osama bin Laden
Hollywood Idiots: midless thespians from the Land of Make Believe
Illiberal: what "liberal" used to mean
Infidels: people who are reading this blog
Institutes of Lower Living:colleges where junior sheeple can get the finest illiberal education taxpayer money can buy
Islamofascists: dirty nightshirt-clad radical Muslims who hold a Koran in one hand and a bloody knife in the other
Kneejerk Conservatives: refelxive right-wingers who never ask "why?" when conservative leaders say "Drink the Kool-Aid"
Krapistan: any Turd World dunghole still stuck in the Middle Ages
Lexus Liberals: Kerry-brand politicians who despise the nation that made their wealth
Lunchroom Lenins: found mainly in Southern Florida near the early, early, early bird buffet.
Madeline Halfbright: former Secretary of Hate under Bill Clinton
Mushroom Boys: L.A. screenwriters
Nostrilman: Henry Waxman
Old York Times: the once-great Grey Lady, befouled by "Pinchy"Sulzberger's juvenile worldview
PBS: Palestine Broadcasting System
Pinchy Sulzberger: the left-leaning czar of the Old York Times and son ofArthur H. Sulzberger
Pot in Every Chicken: legalization of marijuana
Psychological Nudity: exposing the truth
Rat Boy: John Walker Lindh the so-called American Taliban, who stabbed America in the back
Republicrats: turn coat conservatives
Red Diaper Doper Babies:psychotic sixties leftovers who mixed too much Marx with their marijuana
Sheeple: the unthinking, gullible masses
Socialism: organized crime with an army
Spawning Like Shrimp: the swarming of illegal aliens at our southern border
Stand-Up Stalins: anti-American comedians
TNN: Taliban News Network (also known as CNN)

The War In Mordor

If you're a Lord of the Rings fan you'll love this.

MINAS TIRITH (Gondor News Network) - Thousands of peace activists took to the streets of Minas Tirith and other cities of Middle Earth today to protest what they termed a rush to war with Mordor.
"We need more time for diplomacy," said a key member of the Middle-Earth Security Council, Saruman the White. "I am not convinced by the evidence presented by my esteemed colleague, Gandalf the Grey, or that the Dark Lord Sauron presents an imminent danger to the peoples of the West."
Many of the people protesting war in Mordor agreed with Saruman's remarks. "Sauron says he's destroyed his Rings of Mass Destruction (RMD) and that's good enough for me," said one fellow carrying a sign that said "Elrond is a Balrog." Another demonstrator urged, "Give the RMD inspectors more time. There's no reason to rush to any judgment just because Mount Doom is belching lava, the Dark Tower is rebuilt, and Osgiliath has been decimated." A third protester piped up, "I haven't heard a single bit of convincing evidence connecting the Nazgul with Sauron. I think they destroyed Osgiliath on their own initiative without any support from Sauron. Besides, it's understandable they're angry with Gondor. We haven't done nearly as much for the Orcs and Goblins and Easterlings as the Nazgul and Sauron have. It's understandable they throw their support to them. It's our own fault really."
As the protesters continued their march through the city, they chanted, "No blood for Mount Doom," voicing a common sentiment that the leaders of the Western peoples are really seeking to get their hands on the powerful Mount Doom, where the One Ring of Power was allegedly forged.
Gandalf the Grey was unavailable for comment. A spokesman said he was in an undisclosed underground location, which sources have revealed is codenamed "Moria."