Snake River

I took these on my trip while horseback riding.

I'm ba-ack!

Hey everybody! Did you miss me? I'll post my travel pictures as soon as I figure it out. (I'm using one of those crappy digital disposable cameras.)

My quest

In my quest to become "Link of the Month" over at Alien CG's blog I've decided to make every few words a link to him. NOTE:This will be my last post before I leave.

I'm leaving on Saturday!

Those of you who got the emails, you know who you are. The rest of you, here's where I'm going. I'll be gone for a week, so don't expect any blog posts. I'll be out in the deep wilderness roughing it with like fourteen other people.

The one that started it all.

Here's another addition to my "Funny Videos" series: the very first episode of Red vs. Blue. I'll post some more of the first season if you guys want.

Risky Business

Funny! Note the RoboSapien cameo and the father on the computer.

My first review ever!

This is from Alien CG, check out his blog. "El Patro, the founder of this blog, has an opinion all his own. His blog is always entertaining, whether he's talking about the goings-on in his life or interesting stuff found on the Internet."

Me, entertaining? Thanks Alien! You rule!

Me: The STAR

I, El Patro, have just been cast in The Sound of Music as this guy, Capt Georg Von Trapp who just happens to be the male lead. It's on June 16th at The Community House in Hinsdale. I'm so talented!

Happy Tortilla Day!

Tara, over at Eclectic Spaghetti, is having Tortilla Day today. In honor of ME!!!

Once again, thx Tara!

Blogger is watching you.

I can't take it anymore. Either I'm switching my outlet, or I'll never post again.
Come on everybody, let's do it Orwell-style.
DOWN WITH BLOGGER!
DOWN WITH BLOGGER!
DOWN WITH BLOGGER!
DOWN WITH BLOGGER!

Real Advertisements

For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy.

Great Dames for sale.

Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.

Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.

If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin.

Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.

The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

We build bodies that last a lifetime.

For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.

Man, honest. Will take anything.

Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

UsedCars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

Modular Sofas. Only $299. For rest or fore play.

Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.

Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred.

Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.

Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.

Holcross pullets. Starting to lay Betty Clayton, Granite 5-6204.

Illiterate? Write today for free help.

Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.

Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.

Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.

And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.

We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.

Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.

For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.

Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.

Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

And of course, the church ones:

Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.

Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor.

Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his study.

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come foreward and lay an egg on the alter.

The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come foreward and do so.

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

My pirate name

My pirate name is:

Dread Pirate Rackham

Like the famous Dread Pirate Roberts, you have a keen head for how to make a profit. You have the good fortune of having a good name, since Rackham (pronounced RACKem, not rack-ham) is one of the coolest sounding surnames for a pirate. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from fidius.org.

Make your own name

I stole this from Nicole.
1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME:(first pet and current street)
Chase Madison
2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME:(grandfather/grandmother on your mother’s side, your favorite candy)
Norman Twix
3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME:(favorite animal, favorite color)
Wolf Green
4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME:(middle name, city where you were born)
John Chicago
5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME:(first 3 letters of your last name- last 3 letters of mother’s maiden name, first 3 letters of your pet’s name)
Pec Ews-Mac
6. JEDI NAME:(middle name spelled backwards, your mom’s maiden name spelled backwards)
Nohj Swerdna
7. WITNESS PROTECTION NAME:(middle name, street you grew up on)
John Monroe
8. SUPERHERO NAME:(”The”, your favorite color, the automobile you drive)The Blue Lexus

Woman dies after riding Mission: SPACE.

ORLANDO, Fla. - Walt Disney World reopened its “Mission: Space” attraction Thursday, a day after a woman who became ill after leaving the ride died at a hospital.
It was the second death in less than a year related to the Epcot Center ride, which spins riders in a centrifuge that subjects them to twice the normal force of gravity. It is considered so intense it has motion sickness bags and signs warning people with heart, back and neck problems not to board it.
The 49-year-old woman who died Wednesday had reported dizziness and nausea after stepping off the ride on Tuesday, Disney officials said.
Disney told state officials that the woman, who was not identified, may have had high blood pressure and other unspecified health problems.
“Walt Disney World engineers and ride system experts completed a thorough inspection of the attraction overnight and found it to be operating properly,” the theme park said Thursday in announcing the reopening of the ride.
A worker from the state Bureau of Fair Rides Inspection monitored the testing and said the ride didn’t appear “to be acting abnormal in any way,” said Terence McElroy, a spokesman for Florida’s Department of Agriculture and Consumer Services, which oversees the bureau.
The $100 million ride, one of Disney World’s most popular, was also closed in June after the death of a 4-year-old boy who passed out while aboard. An autopsy concluded he died of a heart condition that a medical examiner said can cause sudden death in stressful situations.

Sultry Seven

Let's write something together! I'll start off with seven words, and then you guys'll add seven more words, and it will go on and on. It ends Saturday at midnight. Okay? It'll be fun!
My sultry seven words are: It was much worse than last time.

Halo explained SPOILER WARNING!!

The story begins with Captain Jacob Keyes, whose ship, the Pillar of Autumn, just made a blind jump into faster-than-light travel, called Slipspace. They were escaping the bombardment of the human colony Reach by the villains, a religious alien race called the Covenant whose sole goal is to exterminate the human race in a holy vendetta.
The Autumn is now near a gas giant called Threshold and its moon, Basis. They have found a large ring-shaped structure near it. Keyes is conversing with Cortana, a foot tall purple holographic woman who is the ship's AI and has control over all of its functions. Unfortunately, it seems that the Covenant have caught up with the ship. Keyes orders initiation of the Cole Protocol, a safeguard designed to lead the Covenant away from Earth should a human ship become a captive. It involves purging all evidence of Earth and her colonies from the ship's mainframe, and if it is captured the ship automatically self-destructs.
Keyes also orders all hands to get suited for combat in case of boarders. Meanwhile, in the ship's cryo bay, a pair of personnel get orders from Cortana to "unseal the Hushed Casket". That is where the Master Chief, the playable character in the game, lies in cryo-sleep. The last of a failed experiment to create super-soldiers codenamed SPARTANs, the Master Chief was kidnapped by the military at six years old and has undergone brutal training and surgical augmentation giving him heightened strength, intelligence, speed, and bone hardness.
The Chief is awakened while the Covenant are boarding the ship. He goes to the bridge and meets with Captain Keyes, who puts Cortana into his Mark V MJOLNIR armor. The Chief leaves the Autumn on an escape pod while Keyes attempts to land the ship on the ring structure.
The Chief also lands and rescues the surviving Marines via dropship pickup. However, Captain Keyes is captured by the Covenant and is taken prisoner aboard a Covenant cruiser known as The Truth and Reconciliation.
The Chief, along with a strike force of Marines, rescue him. While in captivity, Keyes recalls a group of guards discussing the ring. He heard that it was known as Halo and was presumably a weapon with ultimate power. Keyes tells the Chief to try to find Halo's Control Center before the Covenant, as they might use Halo to wipe out the human race.
Cortana hacks into the Covenant battle-net where she learns the location of The Silent Cartographer, a map room that points the way to the Control Room. The Chief and the Marines find the map room, and make their way to the Control Room.
Meanwhile, Keyes trys to find a Covenant weapons cache that could be useful for the war effort. While at the Control Room, Cortana tells the Chief to stop Keyes from finding the cache without a clear reason. It turns out that Keyes and the Marines accidentally released a race of parasitic life-forms known as the Flood, which reproduce using small infection forms that borrow into your body and tap into your spinal cord, turning you into a Flood form.
Chief finds a video recording proving all of it. He eventually escapes the cache and runs into a small floating blue robot who introduces himself as 343 Guilty Spark, who is the Monitor of Installation 04, presumably Halo. He says that Halo is supposed to completely annihilate the Flood, and, for reasons unknown, calls the Master Chief a Reclaimer. He teleports the Chief to a facility called the Library where he is supposed to find the Index, the key for activating Halo. The Chief fights his way to it and is teleported to the Control Room. Before the Monitor can activate Halo, Cortana, who is still inside Halo's systems, purges the Index form the system and stores it in her memory core. She reveals to the Chief that Halo doesn't kill Flood: it kills their food. That's humans, Covenant, all sentient life. The Monitor lied to him.
Now the Monitor and his Sentinels, floating robots with laser beams, are trying to stop the Chief from stopping the Monitor, who has found a secondary way to activate the ring. Fortunately, the Chief and Cortana do stop the Monitor. Cortana finds out that, once again, Captain Keyes has been captured and is held aboard the Truth and Reconciliation, except this time he is being assimilated into the Flood. Cortana teleports the Chief onto the ship, which is almost completely Flood-infected, where Keyes dies.
However, the Chief is able to remove Keyes' neural implants, allowing him to initiate the Pillar of Autumn's self-destruct sequence, which is halted by the Monitor. Needless to say, the Autumn is also Flood-infected. The Chief goes to the Engineering bay where he manages to re-initiate the self-destruct sequence, allowing him to escape just as Halo, the Flood, and the Covenant armada still on the ring are completely obliterated.
Coming up: Halo 2 explained.

Google in funny languages

Here's Google in a language called Bork, bork, bork! which in my opinion is Google in hopelessly accented English. Also here's Google in Elmer Fudd language, Pig Latin, Yiddish, Klingon, and 13375p34k (Leetspeak)

Keywords people have used to get to my site

Trum4n (from my "If WWII was a real-time strategy game" post)
coca-cola
coke blak
and
norsefire (the totalitarian regime discussed in my "V for Vendetta" post)

Throw me a frickin' bone here!

Coke Blak: The Verdict

I have recently seen a few articles discussing the new drink which came out yesterday. Here is one of them:

It's Coke with coffee, double the caffeine, and half the calories
Coke BlaK, introducted April 3, sells for up to $2 per bottle.
Up to now, the French have sipped a Coca-Cola product not found on U.S. grocery shelves: Coke BlaK, a grown-up soft drink that combines the fizzy flavors of Coke with coffee. On April 3, Coke BlaK was introduced throughout the U.S. Billed as a "carbonated fusion beverage," it has roughly double the caffeine and half the calories of regular Coke, and it is sweetened with high fructose corn syrup and two artificial sweeteners: aspartame and acesulfame potassium. Each 8-oz. bottle has 45 calories; regular Coke has 100. At $1.70 to $2 per bottle, Coke BlaK is a lot pricier than a can of regular Coke. But how does it taste? We asked four of our experienced taste testers to compare in a blind test the U.S. and French versions of Coke BlaK, plus regular Coca-Cola Classic. The differences between the U.S. and French versions are unmistakable. The U.S. Coke BlaK is sweeter and has more caramel-like flavoring, similar to Coca-Cola Classic. The coffee flavor is a bare whiff. The French version, by contrast, has a more pronounced coffee flavor, which better balances the cola flavor. The French version lists sugar in place of the high fructose corn syrup, which can affect the flavor. For the U.S. market, the sleek, contemporary can of the French Coke BlaK was replaced by a more familiar curvy Coca-Cola bottle silhouette. Cola tinged with coffee is not a new concept. In the mid-1990s, Pepsi Kona, Java Cola, and Café Cola were introduced, each trying to excite a flat market for carbonated beverages. All failed. Possibly in an effort to chase the coffeehouse crowd, Coke decided to give it another go, starting in France earlier this year. Bottom line: If you like the idea of a hint of coffee with your Coke, you might give this a try. But if you're looking for more coffee with your cola, you'll be disappointed with Coke BlaK--unless you buy it in France.

A fellow blogger, Nicole, had this to say about Blak. Sadly, I seem to be the only one who's actually tried it. Here is my review.

Coke Blak is almost a perfect unison of coffee and Coca-Cola. While the Coke does overpower the coffee, it still gives out a pleasant hazlenut-like aura. It does have twice the caffeine, but also only 45 calories. It's available at Target.

Tagged... AGAIN!!!

Nicole got me this time.
1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 24 and find line 5:
“…and swung down the flaps.” Eragon by Christopher Paolini
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, what do you find?
My printer.
3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
A documentary about the Salem witch trials on The History Channel.
4. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
Nothing.
5. When did you last step outside?
I just went to Costco about a half hour ago.
6. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
Erm... does the computer count?
7. What are you wearing?
Khaki slacks, a Guess sweatshirt that says "Forward" on it, and my "El Cheapo Motel" graphic t-shirt. No, it's not a coincidence...
8. Did you dream last night?
Yes. I dreamed that I was in the movie Goldfinger taking James Bond's place on the laser/operating table thingy. "No, Mr. Patro, I expect you to die!"
9. When did you last laugh?
Today, clicking on the link on my last post. It's awesome!
10. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
An autographed poster from the artist Peter Max's Leningrad exhibit in '91. I'm kinda surprised the Russkies let him in, as he's very patriotic. An autographed Joe Montana plaque thingy is also there, along with Peter Max's poster for Super Bowl XXX.
11. Seen anything weird lately?
Maybe. The government told me not to talk about it.
12. What do you think of this quiz?
I'm shaking with glee.
In case you couldn't ell, I was being sarcastic.
13. What is the last film you saw?
To quote Nicole: "It was V for Vendetta and I enjoyed it thoroughly, thank you very much."

The funniest Internet cartoon thing ever!

If you want a good laugh, mixed in with senseless violence, a guy who looks like Jesus, and ZOMBIES just click here.

Fluffy

I have been tagged.

RW got me this time.
1) What were you doing 10 Years Ago?
Working part-time at a McDonald's.
2) 5 Years Ago?
Writing freelance articles for TIME magazine under the pseudonym Dr. Benedict St. Smythe.
3) 1 Year Ago?
I was in Kuwait for a very, very brief time.Not as a soldier, if that's what you're thinking though. It was the worst spring break ever.
4) Five snacks you enjoy:
Italian beef sandwiches, Krispy Kreme donuts, Maxwell Street Polish Sausage, Chicago style hotdogs, and my very own patented, space-age, out of this world moon waffles (a waffle with caramel and liquid smoke cooked inside wrapped around a stick of butter).
5) Five songs I know by heart but wish I didn’t:-
Dukes of Hazzard theme song, Popular from Wicked, I Feel Pretty from West Side Story, Beautiful by Christina Aguilera, and Let's Rock With The Sox, which always seems to get me beaten up by Cubs fans. Can't we all just get along?
6) Five things I would do with a LOT of money:
Buy a multimillion dollar mansion in Tijuana, become mayor of Tijuana, rig every boxing match, horse race, and masked wrestling fight to get even MORE money, buy the world, and buy every Star Wars prop on the market. Hey, I must appease the nerd inside of me...
7) Five things I would never wear:-
Clown shoes, a Monopoly-style top hat, a bikini, a Cubs cap, and high heels.
8) Five things I should never have worn:
One of those big novelty cowboy hats, jazz shoes, a grass skirt, a kilt, and a Sox cap in a North Side bar.
9) Five things I enjoy doing:
Blogging, playing video games, staying awake all night, Jeet Kun Do, and gunplay. Really.
10) Five bad habits:- Breaking bones on reflex, knuckle cracking, chewing in my sleep, singing "so take off all your clothes" when someone says "It's getting hot in here", and blasting AC/DC music
11) Five people that must fill this out:
Sonia
Scottage
Renegade Eye
Miles
Melissa

New icon

I got a new icon! What do you think of it?
Pretty nerdy, I know.

Black-White, the creepiest show of the year.

Black-White, FX's new reality show, has got to be the creepiest and most racist show ever. Two middle-class families, one black, one white, switch places for some time. This includes putting on makeup to look black/white, going to churches, talking, eating, and shopping. The white family is the scariest. When they turn black, it's so creepy how they get turned on by each other. When they go to church, the father puts on this African muumuu thing and starts dancing!He actually does that "raise the roof" thing in the House of God! And then, he goes around calling people the "n" word while his wife is saying the "b" word because she thinks it's socially acceptable! Maybe in The Chapelle Show, but not in real life! It's pretty racy, but entertaining when people get mad at them.

Move over MI:3 and X-Men 3, here comes Snakes on a Plane!

Snakes on a Plane, the title says it all! An assassin dumps a crate of killer snakes on an airplane! Recently, the trailer was released on the Internet. There's one scene where instead of oxygen masks dropping down, it's a bunch of pygmy vipers! Always remember to help your child put on his snake before putting on your own. Snake safety, you know. It makes me think, now it's Snakes on a Plane, what's next? Grizzly bears on a blimp? Sharks in a Honda Civic? Personally, I can't wait for Snakes on a Plane.

V for Vendetta movie: What a relief! Score: 4/5

Fortunately, the V for Vendetta movie was much better than I thought. It's, to quote a critic, "a vividly vivacious and voluptuous volley of a very violently fun time". I saw it in IMAX, meaning more sound (there are about twenty speakers, most of which are behind the screen) and huge digital picture. And only two previews! The movie was surprisingly true to the comics with suberb performances by Natalie Portman and Hugo Weaving. Excellent writing as well. The story opens with the story of Guy Fawkes and his unsuccessful attempt to destroy the British Parliament over 400 years ago, then quickly moves to the movie's present day, where government spokesman Lewis Prothero gives a speech showing England to be ruled by a religiously fascist regime.

Evey Hammond, a young woman who breaks curfew, is caught on the street by members of the secret police, known as "fingermen." They are about to rape Evey when a man dressed in black, wearing a Guy Fawkes mask and armed with a set of daggers, intervenes by either incapacitating or killing the fingermen. The man introduces himself to Evey as V and takes her to a London rooftop to show her an event. As the clock strikes midnight on the fifth of November, Tchaikovsky's "1812 Overture" begins playing through the city's PA system and the citizens of London go outside, astounded, to listen to the symphony. In the symphony's climax, The Old Bailey is blown up in a spectacular display of fireworks.

The Norsefire regime, the totalitarian regime of Britain headed by High Chancellor Sutler, explains the destruction of The Old Bailey as a voluntary act of emergency demolition on the part of the government. The police are also dispatched to find Evey, who was identified based on closed-circuit television images showing her in the company of V.


The next day, V takes control of the state controlled British Television Network (BTN) by threatening to bomb it. V plays a recorded message in which he declares that he was responsible for the destruction of the Old Bailey, and urges the populace to take a look at their government and rise up with him a year from today (November 5th), when he will destroy the Parliament building. Coincidentally, Evey works at the BTN. The police under Chief Inspector Eric Finch arrive at the BTN originally with the intent of arresting Evey, but ends up dealing with V instead. V is soon stopped by Lt. Dominic at gunpoint, but Evey maces the officer. Evey is rendered unconscious by the detective, who is himself subdued by V. V takes the unconscious Evey with him.

Evey awakens in V's underground lair, which is richly stocked with literature and works of art that he has "liberated" from the censors. He explains to her that she will need to remain with him for the next year, because even the limited information she has about him could conceivably allow the police to locate his den.

V begins killing people, starting with Lewis Prothero, the Norsefire talking head. Finch tries to deduce V's identity based on his victim selection. Finch begins to suspect a cover-up, as the victims all appear to be tied to a former detention facility, whose records are conspicuously absent from the government archives. Evey spends an indeterminate amount of time with V, learning, among other things, that he has been heavily scarred in a fire. She eventually volunteers to assist V in one of his missions, apparently in order to escape. She dresses as a young girl to gain access to a bishop, making V's assault possible, but Evey flees when V attacks the man. She hides with Gordon Dietrich, one of her former superiors at BTN, whom Evey had planned to meet before she was attacked at the beginning of the film. He shows her his collection of contraband and reveals that he is a closeted homosexual who has been forced underground by the Norsefire regime; he tells her that if his house is ever searched, the charge of harboring a fugitive will be the least of his problems, and invites her to stay.

Finch's investigation proceeds, albeit slowly. Speaking with the coroner about one of V's victims, he mentions that V has been leaving a rose with each victim. Recalling that the coroner had once been a botanist, he shows her one of the flowers. She appears rattled, but passes it off by saying that she had thought that breed of rose extinct. At night she is awakened by the appearance of V in her bedroom; she knows V's identity and apologizes to him before V kills her. Finch, having just discovered that the last surviving senior officer from the detention facility is actually the coroner, hurries to her home, but arrives too late to save her. Finch finds and reads her diary, and brings it to the Norsefire council, where Sutler commands him to destroy it and forget its contents. The diary tells the story of the detention camp's medical experiments, which were focused on germ warfare. Almost all of the prisoners died from the experiments. But one, housed in cell "V" (in Roman numerals), not only survived but appeared to gain unusual strength and agility. He apparently destroys the camp through some type of explosion and escapes.


Gordon produces an episode of his show that mocks both the V plot and the Chancellor, reasoning that his popularity will protect him from any truly dreadful consequences. When the police raid his house anyway and attack Gordon, Evey escapes, but is captured by a man in a police commando's uniform. She is held prisoner, shaved, tortured, and interrogated for information concerning V but refuses to divulge anything. She derives strength from a letter she finds hidden in the cell wall. It is the autobiography of Valerie, a former prisoner incarcerated and presumably executed for being a lesbian. When given one last chance to inform on V to escape her execution, Evey says she'd prefer to die.
I have had a strict "no spoiler" policy on my site for a long time. The rest is for you to find out.

Peaceniks against the troops who rescued them

Spurred by a tip from a detainee, a multinational military force stormed a house in western Baghdad early today and rescued two Canadians and a Briton who had been held hostage by a shadowy guerrilla group for nearly four months.
James Loney, 41, and Harmeet Singh Sooden, 32, both from Canada; and Norman Kember, 74, from Britain, were discovered bound and sequestered in a house in a residential district of the capital, officials reported. The three were whisked to the fortified Green Zone and debriefed by the authorities but did not address the media, officials said.
The men, all activists working for Christian Peacemaker Teams, had been captured Nov. 26 along with an American colleague, Tom Fox, 54, of Clear Brook, Va., whose body was discovered March 9 wrapped in plastic and dumped on a trash pile in western Baghdad. Mr. Fox had been tortured, handcuffed and shot, the police said.
Today's rescue, by a force that included American and British troops, was one of the few times that military action in Iraq has played a decisive role in a hostage release.
But within an hour of the event, a surge of four car bombings, including a suicide attack, struck Baghdad, killing at least 23 people, wounding at least 48 and tempering the military's euphoria from the morning's exceptional success.
The attacks followed five days in which there had been no incidents in the capital involving car bombs, suicide car bombs or suicide attackers wearing vests packed with explosives, according to an American military spokesman, who insisted that the relative lull was a result of expanded security operations in Baghdad.
But the convergence of the devastating attacks, coming within about four hours of one another, suggested that the guerrillas' ability to operate in the capital remained unfettered.
"As you're well aware, today he surged," acknowledged Maj. Gen. Rick Lynch, a senior military spokesman, using his preferred pronoun to describe the amorphous insurgency. "He still has that capability."
Military commanders jealously guarded details of the morning's rescue operation, saying they did not want to compromise ongoing operations. Among the scant information General Lynch offered in a press briefing, he said a detainee captured Wednesday night had provided the authorities with information that guided them to the house where the three hostages were being held. The captives were found unguarded, their kidnappers having vanished, General Lynch said.
Jack Straw, the British foreign secretary, said Mr. Kember was in "reasonable" condition and the two Canadians had to be hospitalized.
More than 200 foreigners, including many citizens of Arab nations, have been abducted since the American invasion in spring 2003, some by criminal gangs seeking a ransom and others by insurgents trying to compel foreign governments to cut ties to Iraq. About 50 of those captives have been confirmed as killed, some in ghoulish videotaped beheadings, and about 20 are still missing, including the American reporter Jill Carroll, who was kidnapped on Jan. 7.
Abductions of Westerners peaked in late 2004, forcing many foreigners here to adopt stricter security measures, including sharply curtailed travel and the fortifying of homes and offices. Others simply left the country.
Militant Shiite opponents of the American-led foreign presence in Iraq are widely believed to have committed at least two high-profile kidnappings of Westerners, both journalists, but most abductions, including those of the Christian peace workers, have been by Sunni-led rebel groups seeking to drive foreigners out of the country.
Among other cases in which the military helped to secure a hostage release, American forces, responding to a tip from an Iraqi detainee, rescued two hostages, an American and an Iraqi, from an isolated farmhouse south of Baghdad last September. The American, Roy Hallums, had been working as a contractor for a Saudi Arabian company when he was kidnapped in 2004.
Last June, Iraqi troops raided a house in Baghdad and freed an Australian hostage, Douglas Wood, from nearly seven weeks of captivity. But according to some officials, the troops had been conducting a routine search operation and had stumbled across Mr. Wood by accident. Other captives have been discovered in vehicles in routine checks at roadblocks, officials said.
Jack Straw, the British foreign secretary, said in a statement that the rescue operation today was a multinational effort involving British troops and followed "weeks and weeks of very careful work by military and coalition personnel in Iraq, and many civilians as well."
The Rev. Alan Betteridge, president of the Baptist Peace Fellowship and a friend of Mr. Kember's for more than 40 years, told the BBC that "it's tremendously good and so unexpected after the killing of Tom Fox a couple of weeks ago, when we really did fear that each one would be killed eventually."
Christian Peacemaker Teams, which is based in Chicago and Toronto and grew out of a collection of churches including the Mennonites and the Quakers, sends groups of Christians to conflict zones around the world to promote peace and human rights. The four activists had been captured while driving to meet with Sunni Arab leaders in western Baghdad.
The captors had periodically released videotapes of the men and renewed their threats to kill them. In early March, a videotape emerged showing three of the men, but not Mr. Fox.
The eruption of car bombings today began about 9 a.m. when a car packed with explosives was detonated in Karada, an upscale neighborhood, as a police patrol passed by, an official with the Interior Ministry said. One civilian was wounded.
An hour later, someone triggered a charge planted in a vehicle parked in the predominantly Sunni Arab neighborhood of Adhamiya, the official said. The explosion, which apparently targeted a passing police patrol, killed three police officers and wounded five others.
About an hour later, a suicide bomber detonated a car packed with explosives at the entrance to the headquarters of the Interior Ministry's major crimes unit in central Baghdad, killing 10 police officers and 5 civilians and wounding 32 others, including police officers and civilians, the ministry official reported.
Five other people were killed and 10 were wounded, according to the authorities, when a second car bomb exploded at about 1:15 p.m. near an outdoor market and a Shiite mosque in western Baghdad.
This story is so crazy. These "activists" didn't even want soldiers to save them. Instead, they had to be rescued through grassroots political means. Peh! I've had enough of this guys.
Hat tip: The New York Times

Coke Blak: Disgusting?

I have always been a Coke fan. In fact, I have at least a can every day. But this new Coke Blak... I'm not so sure about it. I think it will only have half the taste and twice the caffeine of regular Coke. But who am I to voice my opinions? Listen to the reporter experts.

Coca-Cola Blak to Hit Shelves Soon
Coca-Cola’s newest drink, Coca-Cola Blak, is scheduled to be officially released on April 3rd. The drink, which we have mentioned before, is a blend of classic Coke and coffee “essence.” The company is trying to market the uniqueness of the product, but similar blends have been released in the past and have failed.
In 1994, for example, Pepsi began to test market a soda called Pepsi Kona. It tasted more like coffee than soda and consumers were not thrilled. Back in 1995, Starbucks partnered with Pepsi and began to market a coffee product called Mazagran. It was a lightly carbonated iced coffee beverage and it, too, flopped. Customers were willing to try it once, based on the Starbucks name alone, but the drink was not enough to encourage repeat sales. The question is whether it was the carbonation or the coffee that put consumers off the original drink. Since coffee sales have boomed, one can only assume that the combination of coffee and carbonation has not previously been held in high regard by consumers.

Hat tip: nicoleMart, one of the more interesting blogs around.

The Most Illustrious Order of St. Patrick

In honor of St. Patrick's Day, I've decided to write about the Most Illustrious Order of St. Patrick. This is the Wikipedia article:
The Most Illustrious Order of Saint Patrick is an order of chivalry associated with Ireland. The Order was created in 1783 by George III. The regular creation of knighthoods of St Patrick lasted until 1922, when most of Ireland became independent as the Irish Free State. While the Order technically still exists, no knighthood of St Patrick has been created since 1934, and the last surviving knight, Prince Henry, Duke of Gloucester, died in 1974. The Queen however remains the Sovereign of the Order, and one officer, Ulster King of Arms, who is now Norroy and Ulster King of Arms, also survives. The patron saint of the Order is St Patrick. Its motto is Quis separabit?, or Latin for "Who will separate us?"; an allusion to the Vulgate translation of Romans 8:35, "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?"
Most British orders of chivalry cover the entire kingdom, but the three most exalted ones each pertain to one constituent nation only. The Order of St Patrick, which pertains to Ireland, is the third-most senior in precedence and age. Its equivalent in England, The Most Noble Order of the Garter, is the oldest documented order of chivalry in the United Kingdom, dating to the middle fourteenth century. The Scottish equivalent is The Most Ancient and Most Noble Order of the Thistle, dating in its modern form to 1687.
The Order of St Patrick earned international coverage when in 1907 its insignia, known generally as the Irish Crown Jewels, were stolen from Dublin Castle shortly before a visit by the Order's Sovereign, King Edward VII. Their whereabouts remain a mystery.

Restaurant review: Frontera Grill

445 North Clark Street - Chicago, IL 60610 Phone: 312-661-1434 - Fax: 312-661-1830

I expected it to be better. Oh, well. Maybe I didn't order the right thing. When I first walked in to Frontera, I was surprised. I had expected more of a fancy atmosphere. Instead, it was all quite casual. I was seated and ordered a few appetizers: tamales, huaraches, taquitos, and surprisingly good oysters. The appetizers were excellent and the oysters tasted like they were just caught yesterday. But it was the entree that made my meal a disappointment. I had vuelve de la vida, a seafood cocktail. The cocktail sauce was much too limey and the seafood itself was rather lacking. The dessert was good though. I ordered homemade blood orange-buttermilk ice cream with caramel made from goat's milk. Here is a weblink to their website. In all, I give it three forks.

Who I was in a past life

In a Past Life...

You Were: An Insane Warrior. Where You Lived: Central Africa. How You Died: Dysentery.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

What is the way to peace?

Hmm. Churchill, Nixon, hippie.World leaders and an average man. Is two fingers in a "V" shape for victory, or is it a universal sign of peace? How can it be both when the meanings are complete opposites? Maybe there cannot be peace without war. We've seen it in history dozens of times. The unification of Hawaii or Japan. The Mongol invasion of China. William Wallace and Scotland. Or, maybe nonviolent protests are the answer. Ghandi, Martin Luther, Malcolm X, Martin Luther King. Or maybe slow terrorist attacks, like Guy Fawkes, the Irish Republican Army, maybe the Resistances of Nazi-occupied countries during WWII, or even al-Qaeda or Hamas. Or maybe there is no way to peace. Maybe we are doomed to fight each other over our race, our religion, or even where we live. But sometimes I just wish that we could all get along. I wish that no one should have to live in fear or die because of who they are. I really do. I wish that people could open their eyes to the horrors that are going on in this world.

This is terrible.

According to this article, 1 out of 20 civilian jobs are held by illegal aliens. Ew.

New template

I'm experimenting with a new template. Let me know what you think of it.

This is nuts.

According to this article, a Muslim grad student drove his car into a group of fellow students to "avenge the deaths of fellow Muslims around the world." Just goes to show you that fundamentalism, radicalism, and even insanity is abroad right on our doorsteps.

If Noah's Ark was built in 2006...

And the Lord spoke to Noah and said "In six months I'm going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed.But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of living thing on the planet. I am commanding you to build an Ark." And in a flash of lightning, He delivered the specifications for an Ark, "Okay," said Noah, trembling with fear and fumbling with the blueprints."Six months and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord. "You'd better have the Ark completed, or learn to swim for a very long time." Six months passed, the skies clouded up and rain began to fall. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping. And there was no Ark. "Noah!" shouted the Lord, "where is the Ark?""Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best. But there were big problems. First, I had to get a building permit for the Ark construction project, and your plans didn't meet code. I had to hire an engineer to redraw the plans. Then I got into a big fight over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system.""Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning by building the Ark in my front yard, I had to get a variance from the city planning commission. Then I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to save the spotted owl. I had to convince the U.S. Fish and Wildlife that I needed the wood to save the owls. But they wouldn't let me catch any owls. So, no owls.""The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone would pick up a saw or hammer. Now we have sixteen carpenters going on the boat, and still no owls. Then I started gathering up animals, and got sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me taking only two of each kind. Just when I got the suit dismissed, EPA notified me that I couldn't complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood.""They didn't take kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of a Supreme Being. Then the Army Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed new flood plain. So I sent them a globe. Right now, I'm still trying to resolve a complaint from the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission over how many Croations I'm supposed to hire.""The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to avoid paying taxes by leaving the country. And I just got a notice from the state about owing them some kind of use tax. I really don't think I can finish the Ark for at least another five years," Noah wailed.The sky began to clear. The sun began to shine. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled, "You mean you're not going to destroy the earth?" Noah asked hopefully."No," said the Lord sadly. "The government already has!"

V for Vendetta Movie: It better be good...

As a long-time follower of theV for Vendetta series, I sincerely hope that the creators of The Matrix have not created another Matrix Revolutions. The summary of the comics are as follows: The series is set in a future Britain where, in the chaos following a limited nuclear war that left the country mostly physically intact, a fascist single-party state has arisen. It resembles the Nazi regimeincluding government-controlled media, secret police, a planned economy and concentration camps for racial minorities but with a British cultural flavorur, and a greater reliance on technology, especially closed-circuit television monitoring in the mode of George Orwell's 1984. (Closed-circuit television had not yet become common in the UK at the time Moore wrote the series. Today, London has the world's highest concentration of CCTV.) When the series begins, political conflict has ended, the death camps have finished their work and been closed, and the public is largely complacent, until "V" a terrorist and self-proclaimed anarchist, who wears a Guy Fawkes mask and has an improbable array of abilities and resources begins an elaborate, violent, and theatrical campaign to bring down the government.
V himself is something of an enigma, whose history is only hinted at; it is strongly suggested that he is physically and mentally abnormal. The bulk of the story is told from the viewpoints of other characters: V's admirer and apprentice Evey, a sixteen-year old match factory worker; Eric Finch, a world-weary policeman who is hunting V; and several contenders for power within the fascist party. V's destructive acts are morally ambiguous, and a central theme of the series is the rationalization of atrocities in the name of a higher goal, whether it is stability or freedom. The character is a mixture of an actual advocate of anarchism and the traditional stereotype of the anarchist as a terrorist and advocate of anarchy in the sense of chaos.
There are many references to the letter V and number 5 (which is V in Roman numerals). For example, V is seen reading and quoting from Thomas Pynchon's novel, V. and Beethoven's fifth symphony is featured. (The first four notes can be represented as the letter V in Morse code.) V always introduces himself with a five-syllable phrase: "You can call me V." The phrase, "Remember remember the fifth of November (fifth of November is another 5 syllables)" is also referenced; it is the first line of a nursery rhyme detailing the exploits of Guy Fawkes. The name of every chapter begins with the letter V. Also, "V" could stem from his past as the "Prisoner of Room Five", as later revealed in the series.
Also following the theme of numbers comes Evey, V's protege whose name has 4 letters. Her name also contains the name EVE who is the mother of God's new civilization. At the end of the series, Evey finishes V's final terrorist act, she destroys all forms of British authority, with the future uncertain. Like Eve of the bible, she gives way to a new society.
The series was Moore's first use of the densely detailed narrative and multiple plot lines that would feature heavily in Watchmen. The backgrounds of panels are often crammed with clues and red herrings; literary allusions and wordplay are prominent in the chapter titles and in V's speech (which always takes the form of iambic pentameter, a poetic meter reliant on five stressed syllables per line).
The structure of the book also bears a resemblence to Gaston Leroux's Phantom of the Opera, with several direct parallels. The Shadow Gallery doubles for the Phantom's Lair, and Evey's abduction and education mirrors that of Christine Daae's

This is so weird.

I have recently been e-mailed this link. Is it a warning that we overlooked? Is it a small flaw? Is it a sign? Or is it a coincidence? Whatever it is, it's scary as heck.

Where I Live

That's where I live: Hinsdale, IL. It's a suburb of Chicago in DuPage county. This is a picture of the Biondi shoe store (corner). Around there is an Einstein's Bagels; the old Hinsdale Theater; a Starbucks; a Gap; Ethel's Chocolates; a Chinese restaurant called Jade Dragon; Zingelman's Hot Dogs (the local fast-food joint); a news agency (which is just a fancy word for newsstand/candy shop); two hair salons; a Blockbuster; a Corner Bakery; an actual bakery; a florist; two fur shops; a ski shop; a sub sandwich place; a golf store; a library; and two gas stations.

Another Patro-ism

During the 1500 meter speed skating with Chad Hedrick and Shani Davis the other day: "I don't know who to root for: the Chicagoan or the good guy."

Review: Date Movie **1/2

This movie can be compared to seeing a monkey smoke a cigarette: it's funny at first, but gradually gets old after about a half hour. It's a parody of My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Meet the Parents, Meet the Fockers, and Hitch, along with about twenty other tinier parodies. It's about a big fat girl named Julia who works at her parent's Greek coffee shop. (An interesting note on her family: her father's black, her mother's Indian, and her sister's a Japanese Future Sarcastic. The funny part is that she specifically states that no one in her family has ever dated out of their culture.) She runs in to a pretty-boy English guy named Grant, who then leaves bizarrely. For help, she finds a date doctor named Hitch (who's a midget) who gives her a Pimp My Ride style makeover. After the makeover, guess what? She turns into Willow from Buffy! Anyway, she goes on a reality-dating show where Grant is the prize! What a coincidence! She wins and goes on a date with him to A Restaurant (yes, you heard me, A Restaurant). They see each other's parents and eventually Grant proposes.
The best man is Grant's hottie ex-fiancee Andy (yes, you heard me, best man) who is actually plotting to split Grant and Julia. As much as guys might want to see this movie, I still think it should be considered a romantic comedy. As much as I liked the Scary Movie franchise, this one is not on my "Buy" list.

Transcript for U.S. vs. Libby case

This is the transcript for the U.S. v. Lewis Libby case. You can read it all here. Acrobat Reader required.

Hat tip: Crooks and Liars

Types of cows.

If a communist has two cows, he gives both to the government, and the government sells him some of the milk.If a Socialist has two cows, he gives both to the government, and the government gives him some of the milk.If a Nazi has two cows, the government shoots him, and takes both cows.If a Capitalist has two cows, he sells one and buys a bull.If a New dealist has two cows, he kills one, milks the other, and throws away the milk.If a Liberalist has two cows, he sells them to the rich, then taxes them one cow and gives it to the poor.If a Conservatist has two cows, he locks them up and charges people to look at them.If an Atheist has two cows, he doesn't believe it.If a Taoist has two cows, he lets them wander off.If a Platonist has two cows, he looks for two others to milk.If a Aristocrat has two cows, he sells them and buys one big one.If a Pacifist has two cows, they stampede him.If a government worker has two cows, he can't sell them, fire them, or even label them as cows.If a Hillary Clinton has two cows, she robs the ranches and gives everyone two cows. If she doesn't have enough, she gives them bull.

The Best Dumb Blond Joke Ever

It truly is...
The Best Blonde Joke Ever.

Update: The link above doesn't work. Try this link instead.

Update: Muslim Cartoons

In Pakistan, there is a reward for the cartoonist who printed the Mohammed cartoons. He is in more danger now than ever before.

Fun Things To Do At A Drive-Thru

1. Drive through the drive-thru in reverse and let your passenger order.
2. Ask the price of almost everything on the menu and then order something that you didn't ask the price for.
3. Tell the employee that your window is broken. Order and then pay with your door open. When the food comes, roll down the window and snatch your order from their hands.
4. Go to McDonald's and demand a big breakfast at 11:30 at night. Put up a fight.
5. Pay for a large order in pennies and nickels.
6. Order in another language. Be careful what neighborhood you're in.
7. When asked if they can take your order, tell them you are just window-shopping and drive on.
8. Laugh sadistically when asked if you would like ketchup.
9. Ask the cashier how they fit into that little box.
10. If they make you wait, make them wait when they come back on.
11. Demand to speak to the manager. When they come on, complain that you did not like the way the employee said, "May I take your order?"
12. When asked if they can take your order say, "Why, can I take yours?"
13. If they ask you to wait, order anyway and keep doing it till they yell at you. 14. Pretend your car has broken down. Ask for assistance moving it. When they come out, drive away.
15. Tell them you have to use the bathroom.
16. Order a cup of water and two napkins. That's it.
17. Don't order when they come on. Just sit there. If a line forms behind you, get out of the car and cause a scene.
18. When they hand you your food, hand them a bag with all the trash from your car in it.
19. Just stare at them when you pay and get your food. Don't break your stare.
20. Honk your horn the whole way through the line.

10 Ways Dick Cheney Can Kill You (besides taking you hunting)

Iran Nuclear Program

I've read this and my heart sunk:
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was speaking in Tehran on Saturday four days after the U.N. Security Council formally received notification about Iran and its nuclear program from the International Atomic Energy Agency, opening the door toward potential sanctions.
The crisis has mounted since the Islamic republic last month removed U.N. seals from its equipment and said it was beginning nuclear research for peaceful purposes.
Western nations successfully pushed for Iran to be reported to the Security Council for failing to convince the world its atomic scientists were working on exclusively on power stations, and not on bombs.
After the IAEA vote Iran ended its cooperation with the agency and said it would commence enrichment activities and halt snap inspections while still leaving open the possibility of further discussion.
"So far, the Islamic Republic of Iran has been after nuclear research based on the NPT and within the rules of the IAEA (International Atomic Energy Agency), but if you want to violate the Iranians' right with the same regulations, you should know that the Iranians would revise their policies," Ahmadinejad told tens of thousands of cheering Iranians assembled in a square in Tehran to celebrate the 27th anniversary of the Islamic Revolution.
The crowd voiced its approval of Ahmadinejad's remarks with chants of "Nuclear technology is our inalienable right," Reuters reported.
The president said Iran was not going to make an sudden withdrawal from the NPT, as North Korea did, according to the news agency.
"We would still like to be patient, so do not try to wear down our patience," Reuters reported him as saying.
The president reiterated his claim that the Holocaust, in which 6 million Jews were killed during World War II, was a hoax, and said Zionists were behind the "insulting" publication in some European newspapers of cartoons depicting the Prophet Mohammed.
Some Muslims consider such depictions blasphemous.
Ahmadinejad aimed his most withering criticism regarding the cartoons at the Israelis: "I have said previously that, to a number of bullying European governments and to the great Satan, it is acceptable to insult the prophet, but it is not acceptable to question the legitimacy of the regime which has occupied Palestine and has usurped lands and blackmailed all Western governments and committed crimes and killed women and children and destroyed houses."
He added: "If you are looking for the Holocaust, the true Holocaust, you should look in Palestine," where "occupiers kill helpless people every day."
Or, he said, a Holocaust can also be found in Iraq.
But Ahmadinejad focused most of his remarks on the nuclear issue. Atomic energy was critical in the fields of science, agriculture and medicine, he said. "Having nuclear energy is essential for our country's progress," he said.
Ahmadinejad said his country's vast fossil fuel reserves "will come to an end soon" and that the nation is pursuing nuclear research for peaceful purposes only.
But "they have clearly told our nation that they don't want the Iranian nation to have the technology for nuclear energy and nuclear fuel," he said.
He said the real reason the issue was referred to the Security Council is because "they want to monopolize this precious energy so that, when other nations need it, they would give it to us at a high price and then give it to us drop by drop and impose political things on us."
About the Russian proposal to enrich uranium on Russian soil and then send it to Iran, Ahmadinejad was skeptical.
"There are not guarantees that you are going to stand by your commitments," he said, referring to the Russians.
But Iranians have their own ways of gaining an edge, he added. "Allah is our master. He helps us and he's not going to help you."

Tijuana Tortilla Terminology

Baggy-eyed Bolshevik: Jim Lehrer
Briefcase Mafia: trial lawyers
Bypassed Bolsheviks in Buicks: retired, retreat leftists known to haunt Palm Beach County, Florida.
Caesars of Hollywood: actors and actresses who move among us as if they were gods
Christophobia: the loathing and hatred of Christianityby bigoted, intolerant, secular leftists
Clipped-Hair, Mean-Faced Women: self evident
Coffee Cup Annan: the shameless, oil swilling leader of the U.N.
Compassionate Conservative: me
Condo Commies: wealthy socialists
Corned-Beef Commies: unhealthy, wealthy socialists
Crack Pants: pants worn by skinny middle-class kids who emulate gangbangers.
Crescent News Network: CNN
Demicans: Republicans who act like Democrats (e.g. Arlen Specter)
Demoncats: a euphemistic term for godless Democrats
Dodge City of Blogging: El Patro's Tijuana Tortilla
Dungism: a school for liberal art
Empty Skirt: a pancake-faced, teleprompter-reading leg-crosser in a newsroom
EPA: Environmental Propaganda Agency
The Grim Reefer Gang: advocates for medical marijuana
Government-Media Complex:unholy alliance between big government and media elites
Headcutters in Headscarves:evangelists who spread the religion of peace by cutting people to pieces
Hieroglyphics Set To A Beat: rap
Rev. Jesse Hijackson: pastor of The First Rainbow Church of Shakedowns
Hitler in a Dirty Nightshirt: Osama bin Laden
Hollywood Idiots: midless thespians from the Land of Make Believe
Illiberal: what "liberal" used to mean
Infidels: people who are reading this blog
Institutes of Lower Living:colleges where junior sheeple can get the finest illiberal education taxpayer money can buy
Islamofascists: dirty nightshirt-clad radical Muslims who hold a Koran in one hand and a bloody knife in the other
Kneejerk Conservatives: refelxive right-wingers who never ask "why?" when conservative leaders say "Drink the Kool-Aid"
Krapistan: any Turd World dunghole still stuck in the Middle Ages
Lexus Liberals: Kerry-brand politicians who despise the nation that made their wealth
Lunchroom Lenins: found mainly in Southern Florida near the early, early, early bird buffet.
Madeline Halfbright: former Secretary of Hate under Bill Clinton
Mushroom Boys: L.A. screenwriters
Nostrilman: Henry Waxman
Old York Times: the once-great Grey Lady, befouled by "Pinchy"Sulzberger's juvenile worldview
PBS: Palestine Broadcasting System
Pinchy Sulzberger: the left-leaning czar of the Old York Times and son ofArthur H. Sulzberger
Pot in Every Chicken: legalization of marijuana
Psychological Nudity: exposing the truth
Rat Boy: John Walker Lindh the so-called American Taliban, who stabbed America in the back
Republicrats: turn coat conservatives
Red Diaper Doper Babies:psychotic sixties leftovers who mixed too much Marx with their marijuana
Sheeple: the unthinking, gullible masses
Socialism: organized crime with an army
Spawning Like Shrimp: the swarming of illegal aliens at our southern border
Stand-Up Stalins: anti-American comedians
TNN: Taliban News Network (also known as CNN)

The War In Mordor

If you're a Lord of the Rings fan you'll love this.

MINAS TIRITH (Gondor News Network) - Thousands of peace activists took to the streets of Minas Tirith and other cities of Middle Earth today to protest what they termed a rush to war with Mordor.
"We need more time for diplomacy," said a key member of the Middle-Earth Security Council, Saruman the White. "I am not convinced by the evidence presented by my esteemed colleague, Gandalf the Grey, or that the Dark Lord Sauron presents an imminent danger to the peoples of the West."
Many of the people protesting war in Mordor agreed with Saruman's remarks. "Sauron says he's destroyed his Rings of Mass Destruction (RMD) and that's good enough for me," said one fellow carrying a sign that said "Elrond is a Balrog." Another demonstrator urged, "Give the RMD inspectors more time. There's no reason to rush to any judgment just because Mount Doom is belching lava, the Dark Tower is rebuilt, and Osgiliath has been decimated." A third protester piped up, "I haven't heard a single bit of convincing evidence connecting the Nazgul with Sauron. I think they destroyed Osgiliath on their own initiative without any support from Sauron. Besides, it's understandable they're angry with Gondor. We haven't done nearly as much for the Orcs and Goblins and Easterlings as the Nazgul and Sauron have. It's understandable they throw their support to them. It's our own fault really."
As the protesters continued their march through the city, they chanted, "No blood for Mount Doom," voicing a common sentiment that the leaders of the Western peoples are really seeking to get their hands on the powerful Mount Doom, where the One Ring of Power was allegedly forged.
Gandalf the Grey was unavailable for comment. A spokesman said he was in an undisclosed underground location, which sources have revealed is codenamed "Moria."

Joke: How to cross a river

Once upon a time three Air Force Officers were walking through the woods and suddenly they were standing in front of a huge, wild river. But they desperately had to get to the other side. But how, with such a raging torrent? The first Officer knelt down and prayed to the Lord: “Lord, please give me the strength to cross this river! "
*pppppfffffffuuuuffffffff* The Lord gave him long arms and strong legs. Now he could swim across the river. It took him about two hours and he almost drowned several times. BUT: he was successful!
The second Officer, who observed this, prayed to the Lord and said: “Lord, please give me the strength AND the necessary tools to cross this river!”
*pppppfffffffuuuuffffffff* The Lord gave him a tub and he managed to cross the river despite the fact that the tub almost capsized a couple of times.
The third Officer who observed all this knelt down and prayed: “Lord, please give me the strength, the means and the intelligence to cross this river!”
*pppppfffffffuuuuffffffff* The Lord converted the Officer into a Sergeant. The Sergeant took a quick glance on the map, walked a few meters upstream and crossed the bridge.

Joke: French Muslims

Ali and Mustapha are both panhandling at a Paris subway station. Ali is rich, he has a Ferrari, a nice appartment, vacations on Côte d'Azur, etc. Meanwhile, Mustapha is desperately poor."Ali, how come you can bring a bag full of 10 euro bills home every day?", asks Mustapha."You know, Mustapha, it is quite simple. Show me your sign. What did you write on it ?''"Well, I wrote that I have a wife, 6 children, no welfare, and no job"."Mustapha! You don't understand the French! Here is my secret. Look what I wrote on my sign: Need 10 euros to buy my ticket to Algeria".

Finally! I've found the Mohammed cartoons!

Enjoy them in all their hateful glory!

Update: Muslim Cartoons

The President has said that he will not tolerate the Muslim rioters and has asked other countries to do the same. More updates later.

If WWII Had Been an Online Real Time Strategy Game

If World War Two had been an online Real Time Strategy game, the chat room traffic would have gone something like this. If you don't get this, go to the bottom of the post.
*Hitler[AoE] has joined the game.*
*Eisenhower has joined the game.*
*paTTon has joined the game.*
*Churchill has joined the game.*
*benny-tow has joined the game.*
*T0J0 has joined the game.*
*Roosevelt has joined the game.*
*Stalin has joined the game.*
*deGaulle has joined the game.*
Roosevelt: hey sup
T0J0: y0
Stalin: hi
Churchill: hi
Hitler[AoE]: cool, i start with panzer tanks!
paTTon: lol more like panzy tanks
T0JO: lol
Roosevelt: o this fockin sucks i got a depression!
benny-tow: haha america sux
Stalin: hey hitler you dont fight me i dont fight u, cool?
Hitler[AoE]; sure whatever
Stalin: cool
deGaulle: **** Hitler rushed some1 help
Hitler[AoE]: lol byebye frenchy
Roosevelt: i dont got **** to help, sry
Churchill: wtf the luftwaffle is attacking me
Roosevelt: get antiair guns
Churchill: i cant afford them
benny-tow: u n00bs know what team talk is?
paTTon: stfu
Roosevelt: o yah hit the navajo button guys
deGaulle: eisenhower ur worthless come help me quick
Eisenhower: i cant do **** til rosevelt gives me an army
paTTon: yah hurry the fock up
Churchill: d00d im gettin pounded
deGaulle: this is fockin weak u guys suck
*deGaulle has left the game.*
Roosevelt: im gonna attack the axis k?
benny-tow: with what? ur wheelchair?
benny-tow: lol did u mess up ur legs AND ur head?
Hitler[AoE]: ROFLMAO
T0J0: lol o no america im comin 4 u
Roosevelt: wtf! thats bullsh1t u fags im gunna kick ur asses
T0JO: not without ur harbors u wont! lol
Roosevelt: u little biotch ill get u
Hitler[AoE]: wtf
Hitler[AoE]: america hax, u had depression and now u got a huge fockin army
Hitler[AoE]: thats bullsh1t u hacker
Churchill: lol no more france for u hitler
Hitler[AoE]: tojo help me!
T0J0: wtf u want me to do, im on the other side of the world retard
Hitler[AoE]: fine ill clear you a path
Stalin: WTF u arsshoel! WE HAD A FoCKIN TRUCE
Hitler[AoE]: i changed my mind lol
benny-tow: haha
benny-tow: hey ur losing ur guys in africa im gonna need help in italy soon sum1
T0J0: o **** i cant help u i got my hands full
Hitler[AoE]: im 2 busy 2 help
Roosevelt: yah thats right ***** im comin for ya
Stalin: church help me
Churchill: like u helped me before? sure ill just sit here
Stalin: dont be an arss
Churchill: dont be a commie. oops too late
Eisenhower: LOL
benny-tow: hahahh oh sh1t help
Hitler: o man ur focked
paTTon: oh what now biotch
Roosevelt: whos the cripple now lol
*benny-tow has been eliminated.*
benny-tow: lame
Roosevelt: gj patton
paTTon: thnx
Hitler [AoE]: WTF eisenhower hax hes killing all my sh1t
Hitler[AoE]: quit u hacker so u dont ruin my record
Eisenhower: Nuts!
benny~tow: wtf that mean?
Eisenhower: meant to say nutsack lol finger slipped
paTTon: coming to get u hitler u paper hanging hun cocksocker
Stalin: rofl
T0J0: HAHAHHAA
Hitler[AoE]: u guys are fockin gay
Hitler[AoE]: ur never getting in my city
*Hitler[AoE] has been eliminated.*
benny~tow: OMG u noob you killed yourself
Eisenhower: ROFLOLOLOL
Stalin: OMG LMAO!
Hitler[AoE]: WTF i didnt click there omg this game blows
*Hitler[AoE] has left the game*
paTTon: hahahhah
T0J0: WTF my teammates are n00bs
benny~tow: shut up noob
Roosevelt: haha wut a moron
paTTon: wtf am i gunna do now?
Eisenhower: yah me too
T0J0: why dont u attack me o thats right u dont got no ships lololol
Eisenhower: fock u
paTTon: lemme go thru ur base commie
Stalin: go to hell lol
paTTon: fock this sh1t im goin afk
Eisenhower: yah this is gay
*Roosevelt has left the game.*
Hitler[AoE]: wtf?
Eisenhower: sh1t now we need some1 to join
*tru_m4n has joined the game.*
tru_m4n: hi all
T0J0: hey
Stalin: sup
Churchill: hi
tru_m4n: OMG OMG OMG i got all his stuff!
tru_m4n: NUKES! HOLY **** I GOT NUKES
Stalin: d00d gimmie some plz
tru_m4n: no way i only got like a couple
Stalin: omg dont be gay gimmie nuculer secrets
T0J0: wtf is nukes?
T0J0: holy ****holy****hoyl****!
*T0J0 has been eliminated.*
*The Allied team has won the game!*
Eisenhower: awesome!
Churchill: gg noobs no re
T0J0: thats bull**** u fockin suck
*T0J0 has left the game.*
*Eisenhower has left the game.*
Stalin: next game im not going to be on ur team, u guys didnt help me for ****
Churchill: wutever, we didnt need ur help neway dumbarss
tru_m4n: l8r all
benny~tow: bye
Churchill: l8r
Stalin: fock u all
tru_m4n: shut up commie lol
*tru_m4n has left the game.*
benny~tow: lololol u commie
Churchill: ROFL
Churchill: bye commie
*Churchill has left the game.*
*benny~tow has left the game.*
Stalin: i hate u all fags
*Stalin has left the game.*
paTTon: lol no1 is left
paTTon: weeeee i got a jeep
*paTTon has been eliminated.*
paTTon: o sh1t!
*paTTon has left the game.*



For the history impaired, benny-tow is Benito Mussolini, the Axis dictator of Italy. Trum4n is President Harry Truman, who took over when Roosevelt died. paTTon is General George S. Patton, the American general. I can't remember who ToJo is, but he was on Japan's side. Churchill is Winston Churchill, the Prime Minister of Britain. Eisenhower is Dwight D. Eisenhower, the American general who later became President. Stalin is Joseph Stalin, the dictator of the U.S.S.R who was Allied. de Gualle is the French general and war hero Charles de Gualle. Roosevelt is President Franklin D. Roosevelt, who was crippled by polio.

Cartoons

I was going to post some of the Mohammed cartoons the Muslims are so angry about, but I can't find any at all. All the cowards who know nothing about the freedom of speech have deleted them from their sites. Well, I say Stand up America! Spit in the face of tyranny and oppression!

Update: Muslim Cartoons

A Muslim religious cleric has just called upon the cartoonist to be executed! Remember him as a martyr who died for the freedom of speech. Wait for updates.

Update: Muslim Cartoons

The Danes are now appealing to the rioters, saying that they cannot harm diplomatic officials. More updates soon.

USS. Cole bomber on the loose

Remember my story about the ship blown up by the Muslims with C4? Well, the mastermind escaped from prison.SAN'A, Yemen — An Al Qaeda operative sentenced to death for plotting the USS Cole bombing that killed 17 sailors in 2000 was among a group of convicts who escaped from a Yemen prison last week, Interpol said Sunday in issuing a global security alert.
Officials set up checkpoints around the capital of San'a, where the prison was located, to try to catch the escapees before they could flee to the protection of mountain tribes, according to a Yemeni security official speaking on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to talk to the press.
Some mountainous tribal areas are essentially outside the control of Yemen's central government, raising fears the fugitives could hide there before escaping the country.
The Yemeni government made no official comment Sunday.
Yemeni officials said Jamal al-Badawi — a man convicted of plotting, preparing and helping carry out the Cole bombing — was among the fugitives, Interpol said. Al-Badawi was among those sentenced to death in September 2004 for plotting the attack, in which two suicide bombers blew up an explosives-laden boat next to the destroyer as it refueled in the Yemeni port of Aden on Oct. 12, 2000.
A Yemeni security official announced the escape of convicted Al Qaeda members Friday but did not provide any details or names. The official said only that the escapees had all had been sentenced last year on terrorism-related charges.Interpol said in a statement that at least 13 of the 23 escapees were convicted Al Qaeda fighters.
The convicts escaped via a 140-yard-long tunnel "dug by the prisoners and coconspirators outside," Interpol said. The Yemeni official said the prison was at the central headquarters of the country's military intelligence services in a building in the center of the capital.
Another of the 23 escapees was identified as Fawaz Yahya al-Rabeiee, considered by Interpol to be one of those responsible for a 2002 attack on the French tanker Limburg off Yemen's coast. That attack killed a Bulgarian crew member and spilled 90,000 barrels of oil into the Gulf of Aden.
Al-Rabeiee also was convicted for an attack on a helicopter carrying Hunt Oil Co. employees a month later and the detonation of explosions at a civil aviation authority building.
"We are closely monitoring the situation at this time and we will work with our domestic and international partners to actively pursue these dangerous terrorists," FBI Special Agent Richard Kolko said in Washington.
Interpol's urgent global security alert, known as an "orange notice," was issued "because the escape and unknown whereabouts of Al Qaeda terrorists constituted a clear and present danger to all countries," the statement said.
Secretary General Ronald Noble urged Yemen, the ancestral home of Usama bin Laden, to provide names, photographs, fingerprints and other information about the suspects.
He called on the agency's 184 member states "to take all relevant precautionary measures both at and inside their borders" and to help Yemen locate and capture the fugitives.
Noble also said that unless the fugitives were tracked down, they possibly "will be able to travel internationally, to elude detection and to engage in future terrorist activity."
The escape came a day before the expected start of a trial of 15 people charged with involvement in terror operations in Yemen, including Mohammed Hamdi al-Ahdal, another suspected plotter of the Cole and Limburg bombings.
The trial was postponed indefinitely.
Yemen was long a haven for Islamic militants. After the Sept. 11 attacks, the government aligned itself with the U.S.-led war on terrorism. But many diplomats and outside experts have raised questions about Yemen's cooperation and inability to control tribal areas.

Update: Muslim Cartoons

Four people have now been killed in the riots. Keep coming for more updates.

Cartoons

Joke: "They're all the same to me."

In a bar, a Jewish guy walks up to a Chinese guy and punches him so hard he spills his beer and breaks one of the tiles on the floor. "That was for Pearl Harbor!" says the Jewish guy. The Chinese guy says,"The Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor."
"Japanese, Chinese, they're all the same to me." The Chinese guy then grabs a barstool and smacks the Jew in the face. "That was for the Titanic!" The Jewish guy says,"The Titanic was sunk by an iceberg." Then the Chinese guy replies," Iceberg, Goldberg, they're all the same to me."

A very strange thing

A very strange thing just happened to me. For some reason, I was able to go on Blogger but whenever I tried to view my blog it didn't work! I have no idea how it happened, only that it was very strange.

Muslim Cartoons

Earlier today during one of my hazy Internet browsing escapades I came upon some Danish cartoons featuring Mohammed. They protrayed him being carried off to prison, wearing a rather revealing pair of Speedos and other such embarassing scenes. Obviously the Muslim community is outraged at this and are causing violent unrest in Copenhagen and other major cities. Which is very bad news because now the Danes are under a real violent threat because of some stupid cartoons. If you think the French riots were bad, this is worse. Muslims (mostly Syrians) are actually burning things and rioting. It's very scary for Danes and Americans because it shows what the fanatics can do. If they find just one small reason they will kill. It is a very depressing story. Wait for updates, or go to this website

Great blog: Bird Talk
If you are a birdwatcher or just plain like birds, you should check out this blog. Facts, trivia, and other stuff about birds included. Highly recommended.

Great blog: LA FAN
He writes about Weezer, about the Lakers, about the Sox and his band SHOELACE. Highly recommended.

Great blog: About Rachel
She writes about her surprisingly interesting life, from her Canadian vacation to her basketball tournament. Highly recommended.

Great blog: tj
He writes about rappers, video games, cartoons, sports, and shoes. Highly recommended.

Great blog: stardestroyer
It's only pictures, but still good. Highly recommended.

Great blog: Inventor3
It's administrated by a mysterious person known only as The Inventor. He writes about cats, about synonyms and about "fooling around on the Internet". Highly recommended.

My idol

Great film: Monty Python and the Holy Grail
El Patro says: 9.3/10.0
In this hilarious film starring John Cleese, the cast of the popular Monty Python comedy troupe hits the Middle Ages. It begins with an argument over coconuts and continues with such events as a witch burning, taunting French people throwing assorted farm animals, a killer rabbit, a badly animated monster and a battle in which every soldier is arrested.

Five foods served at Elvis's wedding breakfast:
1. Oysters Rockefeller
2. Fried chicken
3. Suckling pig
4. Champagne
5. Wedding cake

Poll: Who will win the Super Bowl and why? Post answer in a comment.

" It is better to watch things than to do them."
-- Homer Simpson

Joke: "All the crows are talking to me." thought Caw.

Brain teaser: A man pushes his car up to a hotel and tells the owner he's bankrupt. What's going on? (You have to solve it in a comment.)

A while ago, this animal rights group was protesting the sale of fish! Why? Guess what? Fish have rights. Fish have feelings. If that's the most stupid thing you've ever heard, I'm right beside you. "How would you feel if someone stuck a hook up your mouth?" says the group's leader. "You wouldn't hook a cat or a dog." Exactly. Because we don't even eat them! God created animals for companionship and for food. Don't believe me? Take a look at Genesis 9: 2-3. Benjamin Franklin, who was a vegetarian himself once, was at the docks once when he saw someone gutting a fish. In the fish's stomach there were several smaller fish. So, "if you eat each other, I don't see why we mayn't eat you."

" Don't want to be an American idiot/ don't want a nation under the new media/ can you hear the sound of hysteria?/ the subliminal mind 'bleep' America./... Maybe I'm the faggot, America/ I'm not part of a redneck agenda/ everybody do the propaganda/ and sing along to the edge of paranoia/ .../ don't wanna be an American idiot/ in a nation controlled by the media/information age of hysteria/ is going out to idiot America." -- Green Day

A year or so ago, there was a ship. The ship was almost a pioneer. It had incredibly thick armor and other such weapons. It cost billions. One day, some terrorists bought a rubber raft at Wal-Mart or somewhere. They set out towards the ship with fifty pounds of C4. When it exploded, the ship wasn't sunk, but getting there. So a young sailor got on his mounted machine gun and prepared to fire at a second raft. His commanding officer told him to stand down! I mean, what if they were selling pita bread? What if they were tourists who wanted a picture with the crew? (If you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic.)Also, most of the sailors guns weren't even loaded! If we're fighting a war with guns that don't fire, I don't know what this world is coming to.

I saw the Narnia movie yesterday, and my dad didn't think it had a religious subtext, and that they said that to get all the pacifists and stuff to see it. Anyone with two eyes and a brain could see he's wrong.