Happy St. Patrick's Day!

El Patro's El Podcast

Well, I have made a huge decision. I am going to record a podcast. Yes, that's right. A podcast where you can here your favorite blogger... ON AUDIO!!! Well, anyway it's gonna be called... dun dunna dun dun... The Patrick Show! The show where I talk about anything and everything that may enter my head at any given time. I'm going to record it every Friday, and I'll also have a mailbag where I answer any questions my readers may send me. The mailbag email is elpatro@gmail.com. So, if you're interested check out the first episode hitting the airwaves tomorrow.

What's your name, you friggin' noob????

I own at territories.

New computer!

I just got a brand new Gateway GM5259E computer! I am incredibly excited to continue my video game career on it. World of Warcraft and Age of Empires III, here I come. Unfortunately I can't find a picture of it on the Internet, so here's a bland, pictureless post instead.

iPod

Oh yeah. I got one for Christmas. I've already subscribed to Major Nelson's podcast and downloaded my entire CD collection onto it. It's awesome.

Happy New Year's Eve! This is my last post of the year, obviously so I'm trying to enjoy the last fleeting minutes of the year as much as I can.

Dani California

Well, merry Christmas to all. The reason I haven't been blogging lately is because I've been spending my winter vacation in Los Angeles. I'm soaking up the rays while my family and friends back in Chicago are frozen solid.
Unfortunately James Brown died Christmas day if you haven't heard. The next day fomer president Ford kicked the bucket too.
For Christmas I received a silver iPod nano, a Tenacious D CD, some DVDs, and a new Nike watch.
I also watched the entire OK Go treadmill music video on YouTube for the first time. I wonder how many times they had to rehearse that...
Later today I found a great blog called Wordsmith at War. It is the memoir of Captain Lee Kelley, formerly a soldier in Iraq who is now stationed in Utah.
I then fired up my Tivo for the American Idol season premiere.
Next I observed something interesting. Remember the guy from Limp Bizkit who always wore a hat? I don't even think his mother has ever seen his hair. I also realized the guitarist from that band scares the living whatever out of me. HE HAS BLACK EYES.
I wrote a poem for a national contest. It goes like this:

Rivers rush through time

And space. But why don't people

do things like that, too?

Adieu.

Well, if TIME magazine says so...

And the TIME magazine Person of the Year is... me. Yes, it's me. Not you. Me. Me, the guy who slaves away in his basement to give you quality entertainment. See, they even have a little mirror on the computer just to remind myself that I, El Patro, am the person who has contributed to mankind the most this year. I am a shining beacon of light to the world, and don't you forget it. Because I have TIME magazine to prove it. There it is, right in fron of your face.

I am the Person of the Year. Not you.

New blog review, yes!

My blog just got reviewed by Heaven Nose. Here's what the Schnoz (left) and Goldilocks (right) had to say about me:

The Schnoz: Being a blog reviewing Superhero isn't just about having a good time and making fun of sad people. Along with the occasional cock push up, I also spend my time playing videogames and listening to music. The Schnoz was already playing videogames in a time that Pong was considered next gen. You ask why you had to wait so long for a new post? Well, here is your answer.
Could it be that someone who likes Sonia Belle has the same great taste as the Schnoz? It seems unlikely, but hey, a coupla Superheroes reviewing blogs is pretty unbelievable too. So I present to you: El Patro, Sonia Belle reader and Schnoz-clone.
Somehow, I can't seem to admit that I like El Patro. Why should I? Just because he has entertaining game/movie reviews on his blog, I have to like the guy? Even Hitler was pretty nice, apart from his slayings of Jews, gypsies and homosexuals. Does that mean I have to like Hitler? Besides: Sometimes it's cool to be mean to your readers, it shows you're above them.
Oh, to hell with it. I love El Patro. Nay, I luuv him. His blog is about VIDEO GAMES. Need I say more? Like I said in a previous post: we need less blogs about sex and more blogs about funny animals and video games. Even Hitler did some pretty neat stuff (the autobahns, reviving the economy, etc.). So dontcha go sending no Verfassungsschutz on my ass, people. I know, I know, the Holocaust was a terrible thing. But are we gonna be a glass is half empty or a glass is half full civilization?Since Goldilocks has no interest in my videogames, I am seriously considering teaming up with this El Patro instead. I could change my name to El Schnozerino...

Goldilocks: El Patro pestered and bribed us into writing this review ... El Patro is a man with a very tragic background (i.e. his mama was a prostituteand his dad was Dr. Evil) and he likes video games,sushi, the Simpsons, Family Guy, books, movies, journalism, Chinese food and even poetry. He's a pretty multi-faceted guy all around with just enough trace of nerdiness. Awesome!After reading his blog, the thought resounding in my blonde head was: "Hey, I'd tapthat."

Thanks, Heaven Nose! You guys are the real heroes!

Video game Wednesday

So, I just got Dead Rising. (screenshot above) It's pretty hard, but even the most inexperienced of players can take joy in clubbing the undead with park bench, a samurai sword, an umbrella, a shotgun, a shopping cart, a chair, dinner plates, gemstones, boomerangs, chainsaws, books, a novelty plastic lightsaber, novelty masks, teddy bears, cash registers, sledgehammers, scythes, potted plants, cars, bicycles... Oh, the screenshot is an outfit you can get, not the standard one. Cause that would be gay.

Speaking of video games, the Spike Video Game Awards are on at 10:00 eastern tonight. Tenacious D IS A MUSICAL GUEST!! ROCK ON!!

Are you on the list?

Anyone see Heroes the other night? Well, Peter died, Eden shot herself, Sylar escaped, Hiro has to fight a T-Rex, the Haitian is helping Claire, Zach got his mind wiped, D.L. got shot, Niki got arrested, Matt once again is trying to deal with that ugly FBI agent chick, Mohinder is back in Brooklyn, Isaac figured out he can paint the future without getting stoned, Micah broke his arm, and did I mention Peter died? Too bad they won't be showing episodes again until January 11, but I'm not complaining. Anyway, I'm actually kind of happy Peter died. I am so sick of him. What is his power, anyway? First he's like, "I think I can fly." And then he's like, "Oh, wait, I think I can paint the future like Isaac." And then he's like, "I think I can absorb the abilities of other Heroes." And now he's like, "I think I'm the bomb Isaac painted." So what the hell is he?

Also, I have a theory. I think Nathan is evil. Think about it.

1. He had an affair just half a year after his wife got crippled.

2. He is unable to even admit he can fly.

3. If you woke up one day and you can fly, wouldn't you do it as much as you can, secretly? Man has dreamed of flying for centuries, and this guy can't even admit to himself he can do it.

Oh, and I still think Claire's father is totally evil. And Sylar. Sylar is definitely evil.

Snowed in: The Aftermath

I finally got rid of that big wall of crap blocking my garage door. How? I simply poured ten gallons of salt all over it and it all melted. Thank God for chemistry. Now I can go to work! Oh? It's Sunday, you say? *sigh*

Also, in honor of World AIDS Day which was yesterday, I put this nifty ribbon on my sidebar. Nice.

Snowed in

Oh yeah. It snowed last night. It snowed so hard, every school within fifty miles of my house is closed. And here I am, stuck inside, my garage door unable to open thanks to a huge wall of snow. Whew, what a day. I have been shoveling all morning, but I guess I'll just hire someone with a truck. I must admit though, it is a lot of fun playing with my dog all day and making snowmen. Ha, I sound like an eight-year-old. Well, pray for me and hope I don't catch pneumonia.

On the bright side, I can catch the season finale of Avatar.

Snoop Dogg Arrested for Gun and Drug Possession

Again? What is this, like the 57th time?

Anyhow, aren't guns and drugs like standard gangsta gear? I wouldn't know, that is. ;-)

Nike+

So I was at Nordstrom yesterday ("God Patro, what were you thinking? It's two days after Thanksgiving!"). Sure, it was crowded as a Krispy Kreme on the season premiere of The Biggest Loser, but I actually found some great shoes that hadn't already been sucked up by the mainstream. I was in the men's department, and I decided to go look at the shoes. I was looking around when I saw this whole exhibit that said:" Nike+. Experience it" or something like that. So I found those great-looking shoes above, tried them on, and bought them. They're really cool shoes.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

=

Ah, Thanksgiving. The one time of year when everyone stuffs themselves and no one counts calories. Turkeys run for their lives!

Everybody have a very happy Thanksgiving!

Guy pwned by girl!

Watch a hot girl strangle a tough-looking guy with her legs! Every man's dream....

III7

So it's out today. The long-anticipated PlayStation 3 came out midnight last night. I don't really want one (I have an Xbox 360), but I am a bit intrigued by it. It has a built-in Blu-Ray player which probably won't do too well because HD-DVD has apparently been more successful so far,and it also has built-in wi-fi. But probably the thing that interests me most about it is the thing that nobody cares about: tilt-motion tech. Inside the controllers apparently is something that tilts very fast (NOTE: I AM TOTALLY ASSUMING THIS FROM THE NAME) to make it vibrate, unlike rumble which was used in the Xbox 360.

On another note, I have discovered a cute video with a sad ending on YouTube called KIWI! Go ahead and search fo it, if you want.

Emergence Day

It's finally here.

Deer in a store

Now you can really save a buck at Target.

Tendjewberrymud

This was in a bathroom book I read a while ago.

"The following is a telephone conversation between a hotel guest and room service in a hotel somewhere in Asia.
Room Service (RS): Morny. Ruin orbees.
Guest (G): Sorry. I thought I called room service.
R: Rye, ruin orbees, morny! Jewish to odor sunteen?
G: Uh, yes, I'd like some bacon and eggs.
RS: Ow July den?
G: What?
RS: Ow July den? Pry, boy, pooch?
G: Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Scrambled, please.
RS: Ow July dee baychem, crease?
G: Crisp will be fine.
RS: Hokay. And San tos?
G: What?
RS: San tos. July San tos?
G: I don't think so.
RS: No? Judo one toes?
G: I feel really bad about this, but I have no idea what 'Judo one toes' means.
RS: Toes! Toes! Why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping with bother?
G: English muffin!! I get it! You said 'Toast'. Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine.
RS: We bother?
G: No, just put the bother on the side.
RS: Wad?
G: I mean butter... just put in on the side.
RS: Copy?
G: Sorry?
RS: Copy.
G: Yes, coffee please, and that's all.
RS: Copy? One Minnie. Ass ruin Torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy, rye?
G: Whatever you say.
RS: Tendjewberrymud.
G: You're welcome.

Since I gave you a joke/skit thing, you now mu st give me something. I recently purchased an aloe vera plant from Home Depot and guess what, I have no clue how to take care of it. So...

Please dig up any information possible on the care of an aloe vera plant. How often to water it, what kind of fertilizer to give it, how much light it likes, etc. Do this, and I will be most pleased. Don't do it, and I shall wreak a terrible curse upon you and your children for all eternity. Seriously, just do it or not, I don't care, but at least one person has to do it. Gracias!

And now for the greatest announcement all day. Drumroll, please....

HALO WARS!!!!!!

The brains at Ensemble Studios (the guys who brought you Age of Empires, one of my favorite games ever) have started working on one of those games that make you go "AWESOME!!!" They have started something so incredible, so amazing, so obvious yet so cool. That game is Halo Wars. They made a Halo RTS!!

For those of you not "in the know", an RTS is gamespeak for real-time strategy game. There are two types of strategy games in the universe: turn-based and real-time. As you might guess, turn-based is very similar to chess but with tanks. You and your opponent take turns to demolish each other or run away like a little girly-man. While it may take more brains, I consider turn-based games to be unnecessarily long and tedious. So I prefer RTS games such as Age of Empires. Age of Empires involves using villagers to build a city and then an army even while your opponent is doing the same. Once you have the fightingest army you can build, you lay seige to your opponent's city and then kill every man, woman, child, and dog to win. Or you can just build a Wonder, whatever you feel like. Now that you get the idea, (I hope) we can get on to the game. Halo Wars will be coming out for the Xbox 360, the awesomest game system in the awesomest market on the awesomest planet in the awesomest universe. It's plot is set before the events of Halo 1, and is about a group of marines marooned somewhere with those pesky Covenant doing all they can to beat the living snot out of these guys. It's too early to say more, but I can guarantee you Halo Wars is gonna rock the world.